


I Have Got You, It's Gonna Be Okay

by TardisInHogsmeade



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25206826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisInHogsmeade/pseuds/TardisInHogsmeade
Summary: PoA AU. Amelia's father was bitten by a werewolf during the first wizarding war. Which is why it didn't take her long to figure out the new DADA professor's secret. With a mass murdered on the loose, and dementors on campus, Amelia's last year at Hogwarts seems to be a battlefield. It gets complicated when she falls in love with the new Professor, Remus Lupin.(Hi, this is my first attempt here. Please, be kind. Would love to hear your reviews and feedback.)
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 51





	1. Back From Summer

‘This is it. This is your last year at Hogwarts, don’t screw it up.’

Amelia Oswald thought to herself as she ran straight towards the pillar between platforms 9 and 10 at King’s Cross Station. She felt equal parts excitement and terror. It was riveting to finally be of age. She had been practicing magic all through the summer. But it also meant that she was starting her last year at Hogwarts. ‘At least, you will get to be with pa more.’ The thought eased some of the sadness that was settling in since they had left for the station.

“Don’t forget to take your potions. I have stocked up the bathroom cabinet and I will be regularly sending you refills. I will work on the salve and see if I can make it sting less. And write to me. I want to know about all the injuries, the tiniest scratches. Whatever hurts, you jot it down on a piece of parchment and send Penguin straight to me. If I find out that you are hiding the extent of your injuries from me again, you will regret it. Stop laughing, I really mean it, pa!” Amelia cried, making her voice as stern as possible. But the twinkle in her father’s eyes and the giant grin on his face wasn’t making it easy for her to keep a straight face.

“I know, Ames. We have been doing this forever. You don’t have to worry about me, sweetheart. It’s my job to worry about you,” her father said. “So, please, let me be the parent here. Now, don’t go off wandering the castle too late at night. My girl’s gotta sleep. And when you go to Hogsmeade, I want you to be extra cautious. I know its unlikely that Black will have taken lodgings in Hogsmeade, but you can never be too careful." Arthur Oswald’s brow furrowed tensely as he mentioned the maniacal mass murderer on the loose. His daughter had a penchant for finding trouble. 

“Pa, we have been having this conversation for the last two weeks. Please, stop.” 

“Oh, like I am hearing your 'take your potions' speech for the first time in my life!” 

Amelia shook her head. “Argh, it’s annoying to have sarcasm thrown at you.” 

“Ah, I will miss you, Amelia.” Arthur smiled fondly as he kissed his daughter’s forehead. She murmured quietly, “I will miss you, too, pa” as she maneuvered to wipe the corner of her eyes on his shirt. She could feel a laugh building up in her father's chest against her face. “Sweetheart, if you really want to hide your tears from me, you have to find other ways to do it. I know this move all too well from the million times your mother tried to pull this on me.” Amelia chuckled against her father’s chest. She loved hearing her father talk about her mother. It had taken her a long time to ease her father into conversations about her mother. Twelve years had done nothing to ease Arthur's sense of guilt and regret over his wife's death. 

Amelia hugged her father tightly. “I miss her.” She said softly. “I know, baby. I do, too” she heard her father say almost in a whisper. “Oi, Oswald, there you are!” Amelia heard a familiar playful voice and pulled away from her father to see her best friend leaning out of a compartment window. His body was so far out of the window that all it needed was a slight push from the back for him to come stumbling out of the window. 

“You know, I could still see and hear you if just stuck your head out the window. You don’t have to fling your whole body out to get my attention.” Amelia laughed, amused at Derek’s antics. 

“That wouldn’t show a lot of commitment now, would it?” Derek winked at her. 

“Hi, Mr Oswald. I hope baby Oswald hasn’t been giving you too much trouble?” he said to her father. 

“Honestly, you belong in a drama company, Williams." Amelia shook her head in exasperation. 

“She has been, Derek. I just can’t keep up with her. Take her off my hands, will you?” Her father said in a solemn voice, playing along with Derek. 

Amelia sighed. She left her father and Derek to catch up and turned to push her trunk into the compartment. Once she was all settled in, she joined Derek at the window to bid her father goodbye. As the train left the station, Amelia and Derek took the window seats opposite each other. Derek somehow always managed to find them a compartment all to themselves. They didn’t mind the company but, Amelia was at her most comfortable when it was just the two of them. They have been best friends since their first time on the Hogwarts Express when they had together punched the living daylights out of an annoying Ravenclaw senior who was picking on them in the train lobby. One thing was for sure, Hogwarts had given her a friend for life in Derek Williams. 

It didn’t take long for Amelia and Derek to settle into their effortless banter as they filled each other up with their activities over the summer. Even though they had spent half of it together alternating between their houses, they still miraculously had a lot to bring each other up to date with. They talked about the muggle books they had read over the summer, the new spells they had learned, the latest Quidditch magazine editions, hot gossip they had heard about, their plans for after graduation - basically everything under the sun. Every now and then they would be interrupted by a friend stopping by to catch up with them and they would have a pleasant conversation. Georgia, their Hufflepuff friend had just left them moments ago when the train jolted to a stop.


	2. On the Hogwarts Express

Amelia and Derek merely had time to share confused looks before the temperature in the compartment suddenly dropped more than a few degrees. Amelia felt coldness spread over her as if she was covered in a soaked blanket. She looked at Derek, he was rubbing his hands furiously against his arms, clearly trying to steady his shivering body. 

Amelia felt miserable. All she could think about now was the fact that she hardly remembered her mother at all. She felt a strong surge of hatred against her father that she had never felt before. If only he had managed to have some control during his transformation on the first full moon, her mother would have been alive. She felt tears running down her cheeks as she struggled for air. 

The sudden darkness that had now engulfed the compartment, made them both realize the source of the despair that was now embracing them. They had only read about them before. As students, they had no business ever actually coming across those horrible, dark creatures that guarded the wizard prison. But how could they be here? And can this woman stop screaming for a second! Amelia was fighting the impulse to curl up on her seat and cry until she couldn’t feel anymore. But her mind just couldn’t focus when all she could hear was women screaming and an animal growling. No, not women. It was a woman screaming and a child wailing. She had a faint memory of being curled up against a body and falling through tunnels before she passed out. 

When she came to, Amelia felt herself leaning against a warm surface. She heard her name being repeated over and over. She could feel strong arms wrapped around her and she knew one of the voices that were calling out to her was Derek’s. Opening her eyelids slowly, she realized she was leaning with her back pressed against Derek’s chest. He was what was holding her up as she half sat on the compartment floor.

“Ames, are you okay?” Derek said hurriedly, twisting slightly to get a better look at her face. He sounded almost hysterical. “Woman! You scared me. You just wouldn’t stop screaming.” 

What? But she wasn’t the one screaming, was she? Amelia opened her mouth to respond but her attention was drawn to the soft amber eyes that were peering into hers with a worried expression. 

“Dementors...” was all she managed to whisper. 

“They were searching the train for Sirius Black, I am afraid. Here, eat this. It will make you feel better,” the man said handing her a bar of chocolate. She finally turned her gaze away from the man’s. Her eyes flitted over to his hand that had already passed the chocolate into her hands. His long fingers slightly curling around her hands before drawing away. 

“I will check on the other students,” the man said before quickly getting up and darting out of the compartment. 

It was as though a spell was broken. His presence had been soothing. As soon as the man was out of her sight, she felt panic and fear creeping back into her. She found it hard to breathe. It was only Derek’s soft murmurs that kept her from passing out again out of breathlessness. Derek explained how she had terrifyingly convulsed as the Dementors crept into their compartment. He had managed to conjure silver mist around them that barely kept them safe when the man’s Patronus came charging at the hooded figure and led it away. 

“It was horrible. I felt like all life itself was being drained from me with every breathe I took. But, you looked worse, Ames. I was terrified that if I didn’t conjure a Patronus, it will get you. You just lay there, screaming, looking pale and half dead. I shudder to think what would have happened had that bloke not come in when he did, whoever he is.” Derek said, tightening his arms around Amelia protectively. She snuggled closer to him, feeling safe and warm after the horrible deathlike coldness.

“Ames, you are scaring me. Please, say something.” Derek nudged her slightly. She untangled herself from his arms and looked at his blue eyes piercing her. She managed to tug at her lips with all the strength she could muster and whispered, “I think, I will live.” Derek shook his head, “You better. Your dad will kill me if you died on my watch. Especially after the show I put up on the platform.” Amelia felt an easy smile coming up on her lips when the compartment door slid open and the man reappeared now sporting a kind smile on his face. 

Now that she felt more composed, she looked at the man over. He was clad in rather shabby clothes. The brown of his coat matched the brown of his curly hair that almost fell into his bright eyes. There were small scars and scratches littered across his face. She had a sudden urge to trace the scratches lightly with her fingertips, trailing her fingers around his face. Something about the scratches felt familiar. Like she had seen them before. The man’s eyes darted towards her hands clasped in her lap, the bar of chocolate he had given her held loosely in her fingers. 

“I know you shouldn’t accept candy from strangers, but do please eat the chocolate. It will make you feel better, I promise,” he said. His voice was soft and deep. The kind of voice that you would follow into the dark without a question. Amelia nodded slightly and started to tug at the wrapper of the chocolate bar. 

“I am sorry, but who are you? The Hogwarts Express is usually reserved for students only,” Derek said, his voice betraying suspicion as though he hadn’t just five minutes ago been grateful for the man’s presence on the train. 

“I am Remus Lupin. I am taking up the Defence Against the Dark Arts post.” the older man said, moving his eyes between the two students. 

“Thank you, Professor Lupin,” Amelia said taking a bite off the bar. “Derek told me that your Patronus drove away the Dementors. Thank you.” She suddenly felt warmth flow into her as she ate the chocolate. Lupin waved off his hand with a slight smile as though saving someone from paralyzing despair was not a big deal. “Nasty creatures, they are. I heard Professor Dumbledore was aggressively reluctant to allow them near the school. But well, with Sirius Black on the loose, it’s an extra protection we could do with,” he explained. 

“If they couldn’t keep him in Azkaban, how are they supposed to find him now, let alone catch him again?” Derek interjected. 

“But that doesn’t mean they can’t try to at least keep him away from students.” Lupin retorted. His voice seemed guarded, as opposed to his eyes that looked at them with interest.

“They should first keep themselves away from students. Being catapulted into my nightmares isn’t exactly how I would like to start off my last year at Hogwarts.” Amelia snorted. “Are the other students okay?” The chocolate was making her feel more like herself with each bite she took. 

“Oh come on, Ames. You just fainted. Can you for once not care about the rest of the world?” Derek said, knowing too well his words will fell on deaf ears. 

Lupin curiously looked at the two friends, nostalgia taking over him as he remembered a train ride years ago when his own friends had fretted over his sickly demeanor. Forcing himself out of the memories now laced with pain, his eyes passed over the young girl with a surge of affection he hadn’t felt in years. “A bit of compassion never goes awry. Some other students are slightly shaken, but nothing serious. Though I have sent an owl ahead of us to warn them of your condition so they would be prepared to tend to you,” he said.

“Great. Just the place I want to see first when I get to the castle. The infirmary,” Amelia scoffed. Derek chuckled next to her. Amelia saw a tiny smile on Remus’ lips that radiated the same warmth that the chocolate had. 

“I suggest you should change into your robes. We will be arriving soon.” Lupin said, leaving the compartment once again.

In another ten minutes, Amelia got down from the carriage and looked at the grand castle. It was as beautiful as always. The memory that the Dementor had triggered in her was still making her uneasy. Who were those screaming women she had heard? Derek had said she had screamed too. But she knew the screams she had heard were different and they were accompanied by a deep growl. Like an animal howling in pain. Amelia shivered at the thought. She will have to think about that later.

She felt a hand snaking its way around her back before settling on her waist. Without having to look at the body the hand belonged to, she pressed herself closer to the body that held her. Derek has always been able to tell when Amelia needed to be comforted. And the way he did it, without making her feel vulnerable or weak in the least, made her grateful for how well her friend understood her. She turned her head sideways and pressed a kiss to his cheek, thanking him. He nodded. 

A commotion to their left drew their attention. She heard some kids howling with laughter before she saw Professor Lupin darting out of the circle of students, leading Harry Potter by the arm. Lupin beckoned her as he got closer. She nodded and followed him. 

“Harry, you okay?” Amelia asked tensely. Over the last two years, between playing together on the Quidditch team and their frequent visits to the infirmary, Amelia and Harry had become close to each other. They had grown fond of each other in a way children do who had grown up without a sibling. 

“Why is it always the two of us?” Harry snorted at her. Amelia smiled. They were more alike than she had realized. Slowly, so as not to offend Lupin, she made her way between them and took Harry’s right hand in her own. Lupin twisted around to look at what she was doing but drew back his hand as he saw Harry’s expressions visibly relax for the first time since the Dementor attack on the train. Lupin looked at them carefully. He made a mental note to find out about her to ensure that Harry was in good hands. 

As they reached the Great Oak doors, they found Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey waiting for them. Professor McGonagall’s eyes turned soft as they landed on Lupin. Intrigued by the change in McGonagall, Amelia turned to look at Lupin and was surprised to see him now sporting a full grin on his face. ‘Oh Gosh, he looks adorable when he smiles like that, effortlessly sexy, that grin must have broken many hearts.’ She thought to herself. 

“Professor McGonagall, it’s so good to see you again,” Lupin beamed at his former professor. “Likewise, Remus. And it is Minerva now. Welcome back.” McGonagall replied. They shook hands and turned to look at the two students. 

“Well, Harry and I would like to occupy our usual beds for the night in the infirmary.” Amelia croaked. Harry joined her as she laughed. Professor McGonagall shook her head in exasperation but there was no mistaking a faint amused smile on her lips. Madam Pomfrey, however, was clearly not amused. “For once, I would like to go through a school year without having to see both of your faces more than I see my own.” She muttered. Professor Lupin merely turned his face from one to the other with a curious expression. 

“Remus, we will take on from here. Why don’t you go ahead and join the others in the Great Hall. Thank you for giving us the heads up.” Professor McGonagall said to Lupin. He nodded before turning towards the Great Hall. The two witches led the students to the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey gave them both a big bar of chocolate and fussed over them as she checked them for any sign of injuries. After half an hour Madam Pomfrey finally announced them well enough to join the welcome feast.


	3. How Did You Manage To Piss Off Lupin So Soon?

The first week went in a blur. Professor Lupin had quickly become popular with his easy-going attitude. His classes were actually informative without being boring. A huge improvement over the useless Lockhart. Professor Snape seemed to be angrier and more mean than he usually was. But that didn’t really surprise anyone. He hadn’t got the job he wanted once again. The professors had no compunctions about ladling the seventh years with essays from the word ‘Go’. It made their fifth-year Owls look like a cakewalk, which is saying something because even back then half of the class had required calming potions in the first week back to school. This was double the pressure, double the hard work, and double the stakes. Amelia and Derek found themselves buried in unread books and unwritten essays throughout the week. They would switch between the common room, the library, and the old tree by the lake for a change of scenery as they set down to work. But their work just didn’t seem to end. This was going to be a long year. 

It was finally the last class of the week, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lupin looked slightly tense today. There were dark bags under his eyes. He was rather jumpy. He sat behind his desk and lectured them on non-verbal spells. With half an hour left to the class, he told them to practice among themselves. Amelia and Derek smirked at each other. They could already do non-verbal spells. Since both of them had turned 17 over the summer, they had been practicing together. They looked at the other students around them. It was fun to see people muttering incantations under their breaths and catching their unsuspecting opponents off guard. 

Amelia cast a glance at Lupin, he was moving among the students correcting them when they made mistakes. She noticed he looked distressed and annoyed. She had almost always seen him with a light playfulness about him. Maybe, he isn't having a good day, she thought. 

She soon realized him not having a good day, was a slight understatement. Somebody had hit him with a silent spell and turned his hair a horrendous blue. Amelia had never seen Lupin fuming with anger. She could even see him mouthing swear words. She couldn't make out what exactly, but the irritated frown on his face left no doubt about what he was muttering. A couple of students around him were giggling and Lupin snapped at them and docked off 5 points from all of them effectively wiping off their smiles. He walked away muttering the counter curse to turn his hair brown again. 

Amelia stared, surprised at the exchange. She thought about how gentle and kind he had seemed at the train. How she had always seen him smiling and chatting with other teachers during meals. She had heard the Weasley Twins had tried to prank him during the first week but he had forestalled their pranks and walked away laughing. What was wrong with him today? Amelia felt Derek nudging her before she heard Lupin’s voice. 

“Mr Williams, Why don’t you shoot a hex at Miss Oswald, while she tries to deflect it, non-verbally, of course,” Lupin said from behind her. Amelia turned around and tipped back her head to look at his face. He was standing so close to her, she could smell the coffee on his breath. He had squeezed himself between the desk and herself in trying to get to them where they stood near the window of the overcrowded classroom as all the students had shuffled out of the desks and into the aisles between to practice. 

Lupin was towering over her, looking down at her. Man, he was tall! Up close, Amelia could see the lines of his face mixed with old scars. He looked exhausted. She could feel a thought forming in the back of her mind, but she felt herself flush as the realization of how close they were standing stuck her. She took a step away from him, but only ended up tripping over her bag that lay against her desk. Lupin’s hand instantly shot out to steady her by firmly holding on to her right upper arm. She flushed deeply murmuring an apology. She could feel Lupin’s hand resting against the fabric of her sleeve. The warmth from his hand tingled her skin even through her sweater. Was he feverish? Amelia’s eyes widened as realization finally hit her. But that can't be true? 

Something snapped in Lupin’s face as he saw Amelia gasp. He withdrew his hand sharply as if he had burned himself. 

Derek murmured “Are you ready?” before taking up the dueling position in front of her. Amelia turned to face him full on and nodded steadily at her friend. They had practiced this over the summer. Derek gracefully waved his wand to hex her in a fluid motion and she waved hers in return and put up a shield between them. Lupin frowned. "Have you guys done this before?” Derek chuckled. He had clearly missed the sharp note in Lupin’s voice. “Yeah, we have been practicing non-verbal spells over the break.” Amelia instantly shot him a will-you-shut-up glare. But the damage was done. It didn’t go unnoticed by Lupin.

“Are you aware that you are not allowed to use magic outside of school, particularly potentially dangerous magic like the ones involved in dueling?” Lupin said in a stern voice. Amelia hastily replied, “No, Professor, you misunderstand. We both came of age over the summer. And we were always supervised by our parents when we practiced.” Lupin pressed his lips together. He walked away without another word. 

“What was that about?” Derek said. 

“I don’t know. I have never seen him so riled up. He is just so composed usually.” Amelia mused. 

Thinking about what had just passed between them, Amelia looked around the classroom. The scars, his exhaustion, his feverish body, it all seemed to fit. 

Her eyes fell on Eddie as he was sneakily shooting hexes here and there. people had no idea what was hitting them. She groaned as she saw him turn his head towards her. He caught her looking at him. "Missing me, darling?" Eddie said in a sing-song voice.

"How do you still have the audacity to speak to me, you piece of shit?" Amelia shot at him. They had had a rather nasty break up last year when she had caught him cheating on her with his fellow Slytherin friend.

"Still on our high hippogriff, are we?" Eddie smirked. "Need I remind you about your little Hufflepuff Quidditch pal?"

Arghh. Yes, that had happened too. They both had cheated on each other at the same party. Though Eddie's side fling had been going on for a month at least, Amelia's was a result of an extra shot of Firewhiskey and Eddie's mysterious disappearance during her drunken, horny stupor. Once the truth was out in the open, a fierce shout down had followed, but that had been it. She had yet to have her revenge for being kept in the dark for a month. Now seemed as good a time as any. She was seething with anger. She had seen him shoot the spell at Lupin that had turned his hair blue. As Amelia steadied herself to shoot a curse at Eddie, she could faintly feel Derek tugging at her sleeve to get her attention. Without thinking, she shot a silent body bind curse at Eddie. Either he hadn't expected her to react this way or he just wasn't quick enough to defend himself, but the moment the curse hit him, he toppled to the floor with a resounding thud. 

Lupin rushed over to him and did the counter curse and then stared straight at her. Amelia was taken aback by the anger she saw in his eyes. “I saw that, Oswald. Detention. Stay back after class.” He shot at her from across the classroom. Lupin seemed enraged.

She turned to look at Derek. "Don't look at me like that. I tried to warn you that he was watching us. But you were off to your angry la la land." He shrugged. "Did you at least get it out of your system?" 

Amelia smiled. "Kind of. Almost worth pissing off Lupin." She didn't want to say it to Derek or even accept it to herself but being told off by Lupin and having his angry stare directed at her, embarrassed her more than she cared to admit. The shuffle of footsteps signaled the end of the class. Amelia swallowed. As the last students emptied the classroom, she slowly made her way to Lupin’s desk. Her school bag slung on her left shoulder and her right arm lazily placed in her pocket. She was determinedly looking anywhere but at Lupin. She approached his desk and stopped. He motioned for her to take the chair opposite his desk. She sat down gingerly placing her bag next to her on the floor.

“Do you think it is funny to hex your classmates? Do you think it makes you appear stronger? Is this what you have been practicing over the summer? Let me make something very clear, I will not tolerate bullying in my classroom. If I ever catch you again, you will be getting more than just a detention, Ms Oswald.” Lupin spat at her. His words laced with venom. 

Amelia’s embarrassment gave way to anger. Who did he think he was, coming in and judging her like that? Is this what he thought of her, a bully? Just because he hadn't been paying attention when Eddie was bullying others, doesn't mean he can put off all the blame on her. She tried to keep the anger out of her voice as she carefully chose her words.

“He started it. He was hexing other students left, right, and center. Just because you didn't see him doesn't mean he wasn't doing it. Also, just so you know, It was him who turned your hair blue. Next time you decide to brand somebody a bully, maybe get all the facts first.”

Okay. Maybe not the best of words.

"Oh and I suppose that justifies your behavior?" Lupin said in a high voice. He made her response sound childish. "Look, I am not about to have this discussion with you. If you are old enough to practice magic outside the school, you are old enough to face the consequences of misusing magic." Amelia opened her mouth to respond but he raised his hand to silence her. “I expect to see you in my office tomorrow sharp at 5 pm to serve your detention.” Lupin snarled at her.

“Fine!” She spat at him. She picked her bag and quickly walked out the door shaking with anger.

During dinner that night, Amelia filled in her team members about why they have to change the timings for their Quidditch practice tomorrow.

“But what did you even do? Lupin is like the sweetest person ever. How did you manage to annoy him enough to give you detention?” Harry interjected. 

“I am actually offended that it is you Lupin has given detention and not us. He has just been a week here and he already has the reputation of the Buddha. The man just doesn’t seem to get angry.” George said. 

Fred continued, “We have been trying to pull pranks on him from the first day. Not only has he seen through and side-stepped each and every prank of ours, but he has done it with such good humor that we have been having a hard time getting him to raise his voice at us, let alone give us detention on a Saturday.” Amelia was shocked. Has she really been the first student to get detention from the saintly Lupin?

“I don’t know, man. I really didn’t do anything. Eddie had the hex coming to him. It wasn't my fault. Lupin totally overreacted. I think all the pressure and discomfort of the new job he was been keeping bottled up through the week, just exploded. Maybe he was tired of being nice to everyone all week, and just lost all his shit at me,” Amelia said. Even as complained, she knew there was more to Lupin's outburst than this. 

Derek, who had been oddly silent throughout this discussion, now said pensively, nodding in the general direction of the teachers’ table, “I think, he regrets it. He looks like he has just been told that he has a terminal illness. His plate’s still full.” Together, they all turned to look at Lupin. And true to Derek’s words he was merely pushing around the food on his still full plate. As if he felt all the eyes looking at him, he looked up from his plate. The group of Gryffindors hastily shifted their eyes away from him, everyone looking anywhere else other than the teacher’s table or each other. 

Amelia slowly turned her head back towards the table. From the corner of her eye, she saw a figure getting up from his chair, walking up to Dumbledore, and bending down to say something to him. She angled her head for a better view, but still avoiding to look at him directly. She could no longer keep her eyes away when she saw him finally exit the Great Hall from the door behind the teacher’s table. But he hadn’t even eaten anything? 

Later that night, Amelia found herself sitting by the window in the Gryffindor common room with her Charms book and essay lying in her lap. She couldn’t get the image of Remus’ dejected face out of her head. Did he get some bad news? Or was this his reaction to realizing how unfair he had been to her? She felt some of her anger leave her at the second thought. Surely, it wasn’t such a big deal for him to lose his appetite over? Amelia always got at least one detention a month every year. But Remus didn’t know that. Even if he is sad about having a go at her, that still doesn’t take away the fact that he has ruined her Saturday. Not only has he eaten into her time for Quidditch practice, but now she had less time in the library to look up the potion for her father. The Full Moon was on Monday and she has been trying to make a potion that would make the pre-transformation days a little less painful for her father. She just can’t bear to see his pale face and sunken, sad eyes every time the full moon approached. She is just going to have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, get to the library and research about a strengthening potion. She can then brew it tomorrow after the detention, let it sit over the night, and owl it to her father on Sunday morning. This detention will really cut into a lot of her time. Whether Lupin regretted his actions or not, she was going to give him hell in the detention tomorrow.


	4. Down In The Kitchens

Madam Pince was not surprised to see Amelia Oswald and Hermione Granger sitting against the library door reading.

“You girls know I open at 8:00 am on the weekends. Why then do you always have to come and sit here earlier than that?” she sighed as she opened the doors and let the girls in.  
“Because we haven’t lost all hope. And we firmly believe that one of these days, Madam Pince, you will surprise us by opening the library a little early.” Amelia said solemnly shaking her head. Hermione giggled behind her. 

Amelia quickly passed a smile at Hermione and went to the Potions section of the library. She looked and looked until she found a book that gave the instructions for brewing a potion for strengthening the body and the mind to assist in the recovery after a terrible injury. She settled on the window sill with the book in her lap, carefully reading the instructions and everything else the book had to say about the potion. 

Two hours and four books later, Amelia was convinced that this potion can indeed make the pre and post-transformation days less painful for her father. Checking the ingredients list, she realized she more or less had everything. And what she didn’t she could just sneak it from Snape’s stores as usual. She did not have the time to place an order and wait for the delivery. 

Her stomach grumbled. Shit, she had forgotten to have breakfast again. She rubbed the back of her neck, remembering fondly when she would sit cross-legged on the library floor at her home and her father would bring her meals, so she could read uninterrupted. She glanced at her watch, 10:30 am. She didn’t feel like going down to the Great Hall for breakfast. She is just going to have to head down to the kitchens instead. She suddenly had an idea and she leapt on to her feet rather hurriedly. She ran up the staircase until she was panting in front of the Portrait hole to the Gryffindor Tower. ‘Pumpkin Juice’, she managed to say between deep breaths clutching at her heart. “Jogging in the castle now, are we?” sniggered the Fat Lady before she let her in. She ran up the stairs to the boy’s dormitory hoping Harry was still in bed. She was on the first landing when she ran into a boy coming down the stairs yawning. She looked at the boy as she struggled for balance. “Ah, Ron! Please, tell me Harry hasn’t gone down to breakfast yet!” she asked the youngest Weasley brother. “Yeah, he is just coming up behind me,” Ron said.

Amelia climbed up the steps to his dormitory when she saw Harry stepping out of the room. “I need a favour, Potter,” Amelia said, “I need your cloak. There is something I have to do and I would rather not get caught.” Harry nodded and went in through the door. This has happened too often for Harry to know not to ask any questions. She waited outside the door. Harry and Ron might be like little brothers to her but there was no way in hell that she was going in to walk in a door she knew she might find other boys half-naked.

“Since, when are you preying after young boys?” Fred snorted. 

“Ask me no questions and I will tell you lies. I could do with your help though,” Amelia batted her eyelashes as the twins came down the stairs to where she was standing. The twins gave her a gallant bow. This was their pact. They would trust each other plans and help them carry on with their pranks. No questions asked. “What can we do for you, madam?” George asked as Harry walked out of the dormitory door and handed her the cloak. She thanked him and waved him off down the stairs before responding to George. 

“I need you to keep Snape away from his quarters for a little while. I need to sneak into his stores. I need some supplies for a potion I am working on. I just need 10 minutes, distract him while I rob him.” Clara explained giving them the details they would need and living out the stuff she didn’t want them butting their heads in. “On one condition, you will slip some of these into his stores on your way out,” Fred said, fishing out some rough shaped black rocks from his pockets and handing them to her. 

“Why am I not surprised to find you carrying weird things in your pocket at 10.30 in the morning on such a beautiful Saturday?” Amelia shook her head.  
“Well, we think, this is too beautiful a Saturday. I think our lovely professor could do with some of our delicious home-brewed perfume.” Fred said with his eyes closed, face relaxed peacefully.  
“Deal.” Amelia said pocketed the rocks. “But these won’t go in Snape’s quarters. They will go to Lupin’s. And keep him distracted till 10:50, okay?” she barked over her shoulders as she made her way down the stairs. 

She reached Snape’s quarters and found the hallway deserted. Fred and George were keeping their end of the bargain. She quickly hid behind an armour and slipped on the Invisibility Cloak. She swiftly walked to Snape’s office and darted straight to his stores. She has been doing this since her fifth year. This was no big deal for her. She quickly found what she was looking for and placed enough quantities in her pocket. She slowly walked out of his office before pressing her ear to the door to listen for any movement in the hallway. Once outside she made her way towards Lupin’s office. He will pay for making her suffer. He was at breakfast too. She deftly placed the rocks on his chair and charmed its color and texture to make it partially invisible on the wooden chair. 

She walked out of his office grinning under the cloak. That’s what you get for messing with me, Lupin. She laughed inwardly before taking off the cloak in an empty passageway and carefully placing it in her bag. She can return it to Harry later, she had to eat first. She made her way down to the kitchens and tickled the pear with her right hand. The door flew open. She walked in and was immediately accosted by delicious smelling food and house elves coming forward to greet her.

“Hey guys, long time, no see! How have you all been doing?” She chirped at the house-elves. The little eager beings always cheered her up. They immediately launched into their stories telling her about a new house-elf called Dobby who has just come to join them. While she was listening attentively to the story and shaking hands with the said Dobby, other house-elves brought the trays of her favourite food and delicacies with a mug of hot coffee. She beamed a goofy Thank you to the house elves and attacked her food with all the charm of a hungry dog. 

She heard a stifled laugh from around the fireplace. She froze. She hadn’t noticed anyone when she came in. Well, to be fair, she has been rather distracted by the elves and her hunger. She turned her eyes to the fireplace, hoping that it would just be another student and not a teacher. But today wasn’t her lucky day. To say that she was surprised would have been an understatement. Sure, the Lupin that the rest of the school knew surely seemed like the kind of person you would find hogging food in the kitchens instead of in the Great Hall. But what she wasn’t prepared for was how extremely exhausted he looked. He seemed to be melting into the shadows next to the fireplace. His eyes were red and swollen. He clearly hadn’t slept a wink last night. 

“Who beat you up, Professor?” she smirked at him. At being addressed he slowly crept out of the shadows, and Amelia gasped at the haunted look on his professor’s face. If not for half a smile he was bravely sporting, Amelia would have been taken a step away from him. 

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just had a long night. Didn’t get much sleep.” Lupin said now brushing it off and walking towards. He took a seat across from her on the table. All the anger she had been nursing towards him seemed to have left her at the sorry sight he made in front of her, clutching his mug of coffee tightly in his hands. 

“Much sleep? More like any sleep at all. Well, now I know, never to interrupt your beauty sleep.” Amelia joked, she had a sudden urge to take away some of his restlessness, if only she could make him smile.

He did. He shot her a grateful smile for not pursuing the topic of his appearance. “Why aren’t you in the Great Hall?” he asked her kindly. He wasn’t reprimanding her. He wasn’t angry like he had been yesterday. He was genuinely curious. 

“I was in the library working on a Transfiguration essay and I lost track of time. I just figured I will come down here to eat for a change.” She explained, careful to have an alibi in case Snape realized someone had snooped around in his office. Amelia suddenly felt a weight drop in her stomach. The rocks. Arghh, she couldn’t put Remus through that, whatever it was, not now when she has seen him in such a pitiable state. 

Remus saw the spoon in her hand freeze mid-air on its way to her mouth. He looked at her with a serious expression, “Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” she said quickly recovering, “just thought of a point that I should probably have added in the essay. Arghh, I am gonna have to write that whole thing again now. Why couldn’t I just have been a half-wit? Having fully functioning brain cells is a burden.” She avoided his gaze so he wouldn’t catch her lying. She heard a soft laugh coming from him, she looked up from her plate. She couldn’t believe her eyes. His face was visibly changing. His eyes lost some of their tiredness. His body let go of the tension and relaxed on the table. And oh my god, his lips! They curled upwards and the sound that came from his mouth felt like a lullaby. It was so smooth and so kind, you could listen to it all day. The way his face had changed in a matter of seconds it took him to laugh, it was like watching a flower bloom, Amelia thought. 

“Well, there is a simple spell you can use for that. I used to have the same problem with my essays. I kept coming across more information that I could add right up to the second when I had to hand it in. So, I just had to come up with a solution. I couldn’t keep re-writing forever.” With that, he explained to her how to charm her parchment to follow the train of her thoughts and rewrite itself. It was a complex spell but the way he described it, if she could learn to do it correctly, it would save her a lot of time, not to mention improve the quality of her essays tremendously. 

“Wow, you must have been some nerd when you were a kid. Thanks though, I am sure your spell will make me turn in essays that will, in turn, turn the heads of all my professors.” she winked at him. He gave another her one of those soft little laughs before taking a sip of his coffee. They sat in comfortable silence, he, sipping his coffee and her, having her breakfast, both watching each other from the corner of their eyes. This isn't the Lupin who gave me detention yesterday, she thought. 

Damn, she really needed to get away before him so she could remove those rocks. Arghh, why did she let Fred and George talk her into this? You wanted to do it to get back at him, her conscience reminded her. She groaned. She picked up a couple of toasts and wrapped them in a napkin before placing them in her pocket. She filled her other pocket with some more wrapped food. Lupin followed her movements intently with his eyes. 

“How long has it been since you last ate?” he said playfully. 

“How long has it been since you last slept?” she replied, immediately regretting her lapse in judgment. His expressions changed again. This time drawing inward, tensing, and becoming self-conscious. He looked down at his hands and pressed his lips closely together. Why was he feeling so self-conscious? He just had a sleepless night, she thought to herself. 

“Hey, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude,” she said softly, lowering her voice to a whisper. She tentatively reached for his hand and when he didn’t object, slowly but determinedly placed her hand on his. His head jolted up at her touch. She withdrew her hand instinctively thinking she has crossed some invisible line of propriety. But the look he gave her was what broke her heart. He looked at her with hope as if shocked by the kindness she had shown him in that single act of consolation. She held his gaze, slightly nodded, and smiled reassuringly at him. His expressions calmed again and he gratefully nodded at her. 

She got up from her seat. “I should go. I will be late for Quidditch practice.” She mumbled as she picked up her bag. “I will see you in the evening for detention.” She said over her shoulder as she made her way out of the kitchen.


	5. The Black Dog By The Lake

What just happened? It reminded Amelia of the moment they had shared in the classroom yesterday. Except this was more intimate because they seemed to have had entire conversations without actually speaking. Remus was definitely having some major mood swings. The man who had yelled at her yesterday was not the same man who had laughed with her in the kitchens. Her suspicions were strengthened. She had seen these kinds of mood swings before. Things started falling into place now. She knew now why his scars had seemed so familiar on the train. 

Amelia had been mindlessly walking. She found herself in Remus’ office picking up the damned rocks from his chair. No, he didn’t deserve it. Particularly not today. He has enough on his plate as it is. 

She didn’t feel like in the mood for company. Her mind was racing. She had close to a hundred thoughts per minute. She decided to go sit by the lake. She needed to be on her own to sort through the whirlwind of her thoughts. It couldn’t be? But why not? All signs were there. The hesitation. The time of the month. The mood swings. The dejected face. Hollow eyes. She thought with a pang of her heart. She had seen all of this before. She had seen her father struggle with all this at the full moons through a decade.

She was sitting by the lake absent-mindedly chewing on the toast. The cool breeze felt good on her face. It helped her to make sense of the thoughts that were now making her breaths heavy. She almost didn’t notice when a huge black dog made its way to her and sat by her side, gently tugging at her robes. “Hey, you” she gently placed her free hand on the dog’s fur. He seemed to tense at first but then slowly relaxed, snuggling closer to her and eyeing the loaf of bread in her other hand. “Not used to being petted, are we? Are you a new friend of Hagrid’s? I haven’t seen you before. Or are you a stray?” she softly talked to the dog as she broke a piece of her toast and offered it to him. He sniffed at it forcefully before almost inhaling it.

She chuckled. “Hungry, are we? You couldn’t be Hagrid’s then. The world will freeze over before he lets any of his little friends go hungry even for a day!” she mumbled as she emptied her pockets of all the food she had knicked from the kitchen and gently feeding it to the poor dog. He hungrily ate all he was offered. Amelia studied the dog. It was huge yes, but it sadly looked underfed. Malnourished even. His fur was matted as if he hadn’t seen water in years. She was sure on better days the dog’s fur would shine beautifully.   
“What happened to you? Who did this you?” she mumbled softly to herself. The dog looked up at her with intelligent but sad eyes. It was almost as though he had understood her question. And was trying to answer it through its grey eyes. She was taken aback by such un-dog-like behavior. But she sighed, “You used to belong to a wizard, didn’t you? What did they do to you?” 

The dog was sniffing at her robes again, apparently still hungry. “That was all I had. I will get more for you when I come down after lunch, okay? I have to go now. But I promise I will come back and find you in a couple of hours with more food, okay? Don’t go too deep in the forest, something might hurt you.” She petted the dog before getting up and placing her bag on her left shoulder. The dog tugged at the helm of her robes again, this time making a soft whimper that broke her heart. Why was this dog so sad? She knelt in front of the dog and held its face in her hands. “Hey, don’t worry. I have got you, I promise, it's gonna be okay. No one can hurt you now. You are safe.” With that she hugged the dog and felt it place its forelimbs onto her shoulders and lick her face enthusiastically. She fell backwards on the ground, the dog climbed over her licking every inch of her lovingly. “Hey, stop. I really have to go, you know. I will come to see you later with more food.”

That seemed to have reassured the dog that she would indeed come back and he climbed off of her. He lay next to her resting its head on her stomach. “Now what shall we call you?” she mumbled. “How do you like the sound of Paddy?” she asked the dog scratching behind his ear. The dog let out a low bark and licked her face again. She laughed to herself. “Paddy, it is, then.”

As she walked back to the castle, her thoughts went back to her Professor Remus Lupin. Could he really be a werewolf? Did Dumbledore know? Did the other teachers know? Pa always said people were decidedly reluctant to hire werewolves. They would go out of their way to be mean and rude to them. It was just the stigma that came with being a werewolf. It just made you an outcast. Her father had narrowly escaped that fate because he belonged to a wealthy pureblood family. Not a lot of people knew about his condition even after 10 years. They had enough money so he didn’t necessarily have to have a job that would alert people to his condition as he would have to miss days preceding and following the Full Moons. That was why Remus’ pale face had raised off the red signs in her head. But then was it safe? Where was he going to transform? In the forest? But there were so many creatures that Hagrid kept in the forest what if he hurt them? Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of Paddy. What if a stubborn student wandered off onto the grounds the night of the Full moon and the werewolf caught and followed its scent. She shivered to think what could happen. Would he take the wolfsbane potion? But even then, was it safe? For him? For others? Dumbledore surely had to know. He had to have made some arrangements. But then he had made mistakes in the last two appointments for the same post. Who is to say this just wasn’t another blunder waiting to happen? One that could cost innocent lives.   
For their all sakes, she hoped she was wrong. 

Amelia slowly made her way back to the Gryffindor tower lost in thought. “Oi, we didn’t smell any atrocious smells coming from either Snape or Lupin. Where did you leave them?” George glared at her accusingly. She had just entered the common room and had been immediately accosted by the twins. 

“Hey, let the love of my life through. I haven’t seen her all morning.” Derek roared dramatically. Making it a show of pushing past the twins and coming to stand behind Amelia with his arms secured around her. Amelia silently walked out of his embrace leaving him surprised. He rubbed the back of his neck and raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I am just tired. And George I did put the rocks on Lupin’s chair but then I ran into him in the kitchens and he looked so miserable already and I didn’t feel like adding to his troubles today. Here,” she said handing him the rocks back. “I need to take a shower.” She mumbled as she walked past her friends. She saw Harry sitting with Ron and Hermione by the fireplace and handed him the cloak with a hasty thanks before running up to her dormitory. 

She took a shower, all the while lost in thoughts. Even if he was a werewolf, why did it bother her so much? It is because you know how much pain he is in, and you want to help him, the voice said. 'Arghh, why does my inner voice always so kind?' Because, it’s how you imagine your mother would have been, the voice replied. Amelia felt her eyes burning. No, there’s nothing to cry about. Your mom’s gone, you can’t help her but you can help your dad and Lupin, she thought. 

With a determined mind, she stepped out of the bathroom, quickly dressed, and set down to brew the potion she knew could alleviate some of the pain before the transformation.   
It was almost well past 4 when she looked down at the small cauldron she kept under her bed. It was now brimming with a light pink color potion, the exact shade the book described. She smiled to herself. This was why she loved Potions. She always seemed to get most of them in the first go. Well, it can be argued that the only potions she had tried outside the classroom are the ones that in some way or the other were meant to make her dad feel better during the full moon, so she always had extra motivation to get them right at the first go. But never mind, she got this now. She just had to let it rest overnight and it would be ready in the morning. She yawned and looked out the window towards the Forbidden Forest. It really was a beautiful day, perhaps that is where all her roommates were, lying in the sun or snogging their boyfriends in empty classrooms.

Derek fell into step with her as soon as she got to the common room. “You are acting all weird again, you know that, don’t you?” Derek said cautiously.   
“Sorry. I have been distracted. Do you wanna go down to the kitchens with me?” she asked him. He nodded. But stretched his arm as if to wrap it around her shoulder put stopped hesitatingly. She noticed the movement.   
“I am sorry for earlier. I just need some space. Besides, I am pretty sure I saw some sixth-year girls shooting daggers at me when you hugged me from behind. I don’t want to be hexed in my sleep, you know?” she laughed. That part was true. She has noticed how other girls seem to get jealous every time he embraced or kissed her in public. She didn’t mind it, but right now her thoughts were so full of other more important things to be concerned about this. 

“That’s the whole point, you know. To mess with their heads. But I will stop if it makes you uncomfortable. Although I can’t believe anyone would feel uncomfortable if they were at the receiving end of my charming touch.” Derek said mischievously. 

They joked all the way down to the kitchens. As she filled her pockets with food she told Derek about Paddy. He was moved, and he packed some food for the dog as well.   
“We don’t have much time, you know. It is hardly 10 minutes to five. You have a detention with Lupin, I hope you remember. What did you mean, though, earlier when you said that Lupin looked miserable?” he asked her. 

Oh no, earlier she had let slip that little bit of information that Lupin clearly wanted hidden. Isn’t that why he was having his breakfast down in the kitchens alone? If he was, and how she hoped she was wrong, a werewolf, he should surely want to keep it a secret. She would not be the one to raise suspicions around him. “I don’t know, he kind of looked like he hadn’t slept all night. I asked him if he was okay. He said he had been grading essays all night. I think he is having trouble managing his time as a teacher. I think it would take him a week or two to get into a routine so he doesn’t have to stay up all night grading essays,” she made up a story she thought would go along with Lupin’s personality. Or at least the one he wouldn’t mind circulating. 

They reached the spot where she had met Paddy. She looked around and whistled. “Paddy? Come here, boy, I got you more food and a new friend.” She peered towards the forest, he just wasn’t here. “Maybe he just went into the forest and fell asleep somewhere,” Derek said consoling her. He knew she had always wanted a pet that wasn’t an owl. She loved her owl, Penguin, she called it. But she loved dogs too.

“I think we should just leave the food here for him to find. I am anyway late for Lupin. I don’t want him to have a go at my next weekend.” She said, emptying her pockets and placing all the food exactly where she had fed him a couple of hours earlier. She just couldn’t understand, she was sure he would be here waiting for her. Where was he?


	6. Breathe With Me

Amelia was standing in front of Remus’ office. She tried to calm herself down. It has been a long, tiring day. She did not want to fight with Lupin again. Not after how comfortable they have been around each other in the kitchen. Not after she realized that it might have been the upcoming full moon that had caused his outburst. She took a deep breath and knocked softly. No response. Maybe he wasn’t in yet. She waited for a couple more seconds before knocking again. 

“Come in,” a hoarse voice answered from behind the door. She slowly pushed the door, entered the classroom, and closed the door behind her. 

“Ah, Ms Oswald, have a seat, please,” Lupin said, trying to smile, but there was no mistaking his exhaustion. 

She occupied the chair from across his desk and looked at him attentively. “What do you want me to today, Professor?” she asked politely.

“Look, Ms Oswald, I think, an apology is in order. There were a lot of things going on in my head yesterday and I sort of took it out on you. Giving you detention was uncalled for.” Lupin said. Amelia stared at him. She had never had a teacher apologize to her for giving her detention. She felt uneasy. Why was Lupin doing this? She kept staring at him. Hoping to find something in his face that would explain what was happening. He held her gaze steadily. His face was calm and composed. Determined. He knew she was searching his face for something and he was wanted to let her find it even though he had no idea what she was hoping to find, what she needed to see to believe that his apology was sincere. 

“Ms Os– Amelia, I really am truly sorry for the way I treated you. You didn’t deserve that. I have been told of Eddie's antics.” he said in a soft voice. He looked rather ashamed. Not of apologizing to a student in no uncertain terms. But for exactly what he said, he felt sorry for the way he had treated her. Suddenly she realized, right now, he was treating her like an equal. At this moment, they were not a student and a teacher. They were two adults having a conversation. 

“It’s... fine. It’s okay. I understand. I don’t blame you. It wasn’t your fault, Professor,” she abruptly ended before she said something that would betray her suspicions of his condition. He looked at her gratefully. It seemed that her opinion mattered a great deal to him. Her heart broke a little. She desperately wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him it was okay. She didn’t judge him, she didn’t hate him. But somehow even holding his hand felt difficult right now, they were after all in a classroom. She broke from his gaze and nervously looked around trying to change the point of discussion before things got even tenser. 

He seemed to be thinking along the same lines. For he chuckled softly, “You don’t have to serve the detention, Amelia. Just don't hex anyone again, not in my class at least. You can have your Saturday evening back.” She gasped. There it was again. Her name rolled beautifully off his tongue, like a prayer. She wished he would always call her Amelia and never go back to Ms Oswald. And then it registered with her, what he had said. He was calling off the detention. She arched her eyebrows at him unbelievingly. He laughed in that soft, easy way of his that she was growing increasingly fond of. 

“Well, in that case, I should probably apologize for placing some foul-smelling rocks in your office earlier today,” she confessed sheepishly hoping her cheek wouldn’t land her back in detention. 

He looked at her amused, holding back a laugh. “I didn’t find anything in my office.”

“That’s because I removed it before you could find it. I... - I felt like you didn’t deserve it either,” she whispered. 

He just sat there looking at her. His face betraying some of the emotions they had yesterday when he had held her arm. She saw his hand twitch on the table. She could have sworn he too had the urge to hold her. She saw his eyes moisten. No, that was the last thing she wanted. To see him cry. Without meaning to, she reached out her right hand slowly and let it hover in the air between them, waiting for his permission. His eyes moved from her face to her hand and back again before he sighed. He leaned in and pressed his cheek into the palm of her hand, closing his eyes. Amelia just stared at him. The sight of his face, snuggled into her hand, was divine. He looked the youngest she had ever seen him look. He raised his right hand and placed it firmly over hers. She could now feel the roughness in his palm pressed against the back of her hand. He opened his eyes, looking at her with intense emotion and squeezing her fingers ever so softly. 

There was a knock on the door. 

They both jumped and moved back in their chairs away from each other. Without realizing it, they had both been leaning into the touch, sitting almost on the edge of their seats.

Remus moved his mouth but no sound came. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Come in.”

Snape opened the door and walked in, his eyes sweeping between them and lips curling in a smirk. “Your potion, Lupin. You should drink it immediately. It doesn’t function well if it is made to sit for long.”

There it was the final proof that Amelia needed. Dumbledore must have asked Snape to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for Remus. It was a rather difficult potion, one that had to be brewed perfectly and taken in just the precise measure. Otherwise, it could be lethal. It had taken her four years to learn to brew the potion before it even looked remotely the way it was described in the book. And another half year before she felt confident enough to let her father taste it. 

“Thank you, Severus.” Remus said coming around the desk and stepping in front of Amelia. Amelia sensed that Remus was trying to shield her from Snape. Was that because of what almost happened between them before Snape interrupted? And what had happened after all? What would have had Snape not come butting in?

Blocking Amelia's view completely, Remus took the goblet from Snape and drained it in one go. Did he really think if he stood in front of her she wouldn't understand what was happening? And did he really just gulp down the Wolfsbane Potion?

As soon as the fiery liquid went down his throat, Remus doubled over in a coughing fit.

“Now, now, Lupin. Still not used to it after all these years, are we?” Snape sneered. Without so much as a sideward glance at his possibly choking colleague Snape drifted out of the classroom.

Amelia couldn’t believe the nerve of this man. He knew about her dad. He knew if anyone could guess Remus’ condition, it was her. And here he was making such a telling statement in front of her. She had never hated Snape more. She made a mental note to take back the fuming stones from the twins and put them in Snape’s office after all. And from the way Remus was coughing now, his hand clutching the front of his robes, Snape clearly hadn't even tried to add a soothing agent in the potion. The Wolfsbane Potion not only tasted terrible but it also hit the body strongly. Her father described it has drinking liquid fire. Amelia had learned to smoothen the potion down with murtlap essence. It made the potion taste slightly better, and most importantly it didn't burn the insides. Which was clearly what was happening to Remus right now going by the way he was coughing.

As soon as the door closed behind Snape’s robes, Amelia jumped out of her chair. She placed her left hand around Remus’ waist, firmly tugging at him to put his weight on her instead of the desk he was clutching on to. Her right hand shot to Remus’s arm, gently pulling it across her shoulder. Remus obliged. She was used to helping her father like that. She didn’t even wince under the weight of the older man. Deftly she guided him into the chair she had just vacated and started rubbing Remus’ back rigorously. He was still coughing. From past experience with her father, she knew Remus will just have to ride through the fits. And Amelia had no choice but to wait it out with him.

"Shh, it will pass. I have got you, it's gonna be okay," Amelia tried to comfort him. At the sound of her voice, Remus tightened his hold on her arms. It hurt a little, he was going to leave bruises. But seeing how much pain he was in, she wasn't going to pull away from him. His face was flushed with all the coughing, he was sweating now. Once the sweat subsided, he will have trouble breathing. She was only too well acquainted with the drill. She pulled at her sleeve and nestled it in her right palm. She used it to wipe the sweat on his forehead and throat. He flinched when her fingers brushed against his lips as her hand worked its way around his face. His eyes were shut tightly. She could see him struggling to breathe now. She sat down on his lap and put her hands on either side of his face. He opened his eyes, there was fear and pain etched in them. He was breathing heavily.

“Just stay with me and follow my breathing. Come on, you got this. It will be over soon. Breathe in, breathe out. With me, Remus. Breathe in, breathe out.” With that she guided his breathing, which came erratically at first, but steadily, though heavily once he settled into following the rhythm of her breathing. “That’s it, Remus. Very good. Slowly now, you are almost there. Stay with me,” she held him closer as he rode out the last stage of the fit. His eyes never left hers, as if afraid to lose little control he had managed to gain of his body.

It took some more minutes for his breathing to become normal again. He looked positively scared by the ordeal. He collapsed into her arms, burying his face in her robes and wrapping his hands around her waist, holding on to her for dear life. It broke her heart. She could have never imagined him to be so vulnerable, so terrified. She wrapped one hand around his shoulder and ran the other through his hair which was now damp with sweat. She kept murmuring “It’s okay. It is over now. You are okay.”

They sat there like that holding on to each other for some time, before Remus finally pulled away enough to look her in the eyes, “I -...You... Thank you, Amelia. Sor – I am sorry ... sorry you had to see this,” he said slowly fishing for words that took a long time to come out. He held her gaze. The fear and pain in his eyes, had now been replaced by something tender, but fierce at the same time. Amelia was very conscious of his hands resting on the small of her back. She slightly nodded her head, unsure about what to say. There was a lump in her throat. She could feel his hot breath on her face. She bit her lower lip, not trusting herself to say anything right now. 

Remus’ eyes moved to her lips and looked at them with such intense desire that Amelia’s heart skipped a beat before starting to beat twice as hard. He brought up his hand and caressed her left cheek. His thumb darted out and softly made contact with her lips, tugging the lower lip out from between her teeth. A sudden warmth spread into her body from where he had touched her and she responded by leaning into his touch and closing her eyes. She felt Remus press his forehead to hers as they both breathed heavily again. This time the fear they felt was different. 

Amelia was terrified to make a move. She did not want to make Remus draw away from her. She did not want to ruin the moment by asking for more, even though her body yearned for her to close the distance between their lips.

It was Remus who came to first. He took a deep breath and pulled away from her. Each movement seemed to cost him tremendous pain, much more than he was in just ten minutes back. Amelia knew the moment had passed as he carefully got out of the chair carrying her with him. As he straightened himself, he let her down gently. He maintained safe distance between them so as not to be tempted to crushingly hold her against his body. He looked down at their hands, still holding on to each other. He opened his mouth to say something, but Amelia stopped him, “It’s fine. It's not a big deal,” she whispered trying to clear her head. With a sigh, she took a step back and finally broke the contact between their bodies.

Remus’ hand shot to the back of his neck, rubbing a spot.

“You should have known better than to drown it in one gulp. It will hurt less if you take it in small sips. It wouldn't hurt at all if you add a spoonful of murtlap essence,” she said kindly. There was no point pretending she didn’t know what just happened. He deserved to know that she knew.

Remus’ eyes widened at her words. He looked at her with a shocked expression. His mouth hanging open. It took a minute for him to adjust to what she had just said. “How did you...what...how...what do you mean?” he stuttered hoping against hope that she didn’t know. He couldn’t bear to have her know his terrifying secret. 

“I figured. I have been brewing the Potion for my father for the last two years.” She confessed. Letting herself be vulnerable so that he could trust her in turn. She never talked about her father’s condition to anyone except Derek. Some of the professors knew but no one ever mentioned it directly, except Madam Pomfrey who would occasionally help her with a salve or a potion she was working on for her father.

“Oh. I didn’t know,” was all Remus could manage to say. He couldn't believe this. He felt overwhelmed. He felt naked in front of her, exposed. If that were true, she had to know the full extent of his condition - the pain, the horror, the dangers, she would have to know it all. And she had still chosen to be there for him instead of abandoning him. 

Remus looked down at his feet. Amelia knew he was going down the shame spiral. She had learned to read her father's thoughts in moments like this.

“I am not scared. And I am not going to run away from you. You don’t disgust me or repulse me or terrify me in any way. I am not underplaying the dangers of your condition. But you and the wolf are two different beings. I am scared of the wolf, but I have nothing to fear of you. Well, that is unless, you are a vampire too,” she finished her speech that she has only too often given her father from time to time.

Remus chuckled. He could not believe how nonchalantly she talked about his condition, as if it was dinner table conversation. With another stifled laugh, he realized it was, after all, a dinner table conversation at her home. 

“No, I am not a vampire.” He assured her, flashing her a toothy grin for good measure. She laughed back at him, which made him gasp. Gosh, she was beautiful. Remus thought back to when he had had this conversation with the Marauders. Remus’ coming out of the cave, Sirius had called it. But even they, with all their acceptance and love, hadn’t made him as comfortable as quickly as Amelia had somehow managed to. Gods, this woman was something else, Remus thought.

“You should rest, it is going to be a long couple of days,” she said softly. She stooped to pick up her bag and turned towards the door. She needed to get away to sort through her thoughts. It was difficult to think straight with Remus so close to her in such a vulnerable state.

“I meant it, you know, what I said before. I truly am sorry.” Remus called out behind her. 

“Oh, if you just wanted me in your arms in exchange for a detention free weekend, you could have just said so. You need not have gone to all the trouble to be bitten, you know,” she chuckled and closed the door behind her.

Remus’ laugh was still ringing in her ears and his touch still lingered on her body as she lay in bed that night waiting for sleep to come.


	7. This Full Moon Will Be Kinder

Amelia didn’t quite want to get out of bed. It was Sunday after all. She could stay here as long as she wanted to. There were no classes. Her homework was manageable. She just wanted to lay in bed, undisturbed, and let her mind wander off to what had happened last night between herself and Professor Lupin. 

Remus.

She propped herself on her elbows and looked around the dormitory. All the beds were empty. They all must have gone down. She slumped back on the bed, and whispered to the silent room, "Remus". She let the name roll off her tongue and settle in the air around her. Her skin tingled. She closed her eyes and the memories from the night came crashing to her, she could feel Remus' fingers on her lips, his hand on her cheek. Her stomach flipped as her body remembered his touch. 

Amelia turned over, laying on her stomach, her hands folded under her body. She groaned into the pillow. 'Am I really horny for my professor? Seriously?' 

Amelia thought the matter over and over in her head. It wasn't just lust. She had wanted to take away his pain, to comfort him, to be there for him. That wasn't just now, was it? Well, is that all you have wanted to do to him, for him? A treacherous part of her questioned. 

She couldn't believe she had wanted to kiss him last night. And what was even more unbelievable was that he seemed to have wanted that too. 

Don't think about it. It only happened when you both got carried away because of his condition. Had he not taken the potion like that, none of it would have happened. 

Yeah, what about what happened in the kitchens?

STOP PUTTING UP COUNTER ARGUMENTS. THIS ISN'T HAPPENING. 

Amelia pushed herself out of the bed. The full moon's tomorrow. The simmering potion under her bed was ready to be consumed. She had to send a vial to her father. He would be in pain right now and exhausted. Not to mention having depressing thoughts like he always had around the full moon. 

Remus too. She sighed. 

She picked up her watch from the side table and looked at it. 9.00. If she got ready quickly, she would have enough time for a visit to the owlery and Remus’ office, before breakfast was over. 

Amelia got dressed and carefully poured the potion into two vials. Placing them securely in her bag, she climbed the stairs down to the common room. There were a couple of students lazily lying around. She walked out to the portrait hole and made her way straight to the Defense classroom where she hoped he would still be. 

He answered at the first knock. Remus was surprised to see her so early in the morning. He was still rather embarrassed about how far he had let things go last night. She was after all a student. 

“Good Morning, Ms Oswald. Is everything okay?” he asked her. He could see her expressions change the moment he had addressed her. He could tell she didn’t like being called Ms Oswald after he had all but sobbed in her arms. It hurt him too, but he had to put up a formal pretense at the very least. 

She smiled trying to hide her disappointment. This would have been easier if he had been warmer with her. Now, watching him being all business, just made it more difficult for her to talk to him about his condition. But she had to try. Her potion can take away a lot of his uneasiness. A little awkwardness at her part wasn’t a big price to pay. 

“I...There’s....Can I come inside?” She didn’t know how to approach the subject. It had seemed like the most obvious thing to do but now that she was here she hadn’t really thought this through. 

Remus was a little surprised at her request. He stiffened, but stepped aside without a word, letting her into the room. He closed the door as she walked in and leaned into it, crossing his arms in front of him. Careful to maintain a good distance between them. 

Amelia looked at the chair they had sat in the last time she was here and her cheeks reddened. She purposely avoided to sit there and just turned to look at him. Remus was standing leaning against the door. He looked exhausted and very conscious of his body. He had a rather defensive stance. 

Amelia pulled the vial out of her bag and kept in on the desk. “This is a strengthening potion. You are supposed to take a mouthful twice a day. It takes away a lot of the exhaustion and depression of the days preceding and following the full moon. It won’t actually have any effect on the transformation itself, unlike the Wolfsbane. But it will make you feel considerably better before and after it. Well, it is supposed to. I picked it off a book in the library. My potions usually turn out okay at the first try and this wasn’t very difficult. I brew a batch for my father yesterday. I thought I would give you some too, if you would like that is.” She finished. She had avoided looking at him as she explained. She had focused on a point near his feet. 

Remus took small steps towards her. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. It made him sad that she had to go through all this with her father. 

“Oh. You shouldn’t have, Amelia.” 

“It’s not a problem, really. I know how painful and exhausting the transformation could be, both physically and mentally. You shouldn’t have to go through any more pain than you absolutely need to. I am anyway, used to making potions and salve for my father. So, it’s not like something I am going out of my way to do for you. Not like I wouldn’t.” She hastily added. She realized she was rambling. His face had softened now. 

“I am sorry about your father. You should not have to go through that.”

She was speechless. Here she was trying to ease some of his pain and he was sad about her. The world does not deserve the good heart of Remus Lupin, she thought. 

“I am used to it now. He was turned when I was five. So, this has pretty much been all my life.”

“That’s brave of you,” Remus said, all thoughts of maintaining professional decorum now forgotten. "You are kind, Amelia."

“This is not about me. It's about the one who is going through it. You didn’t ask for it. Neither did my father. But now that this is your lot, that is no reason for you to go through this alone. I have seen my family suffer too much because of this to be repulsed by or hate someone else who had been dealt similar cards.”

“Not many people share your views. Most of them aren’t so kind in extending a helping hand. They are eager to shun.” Remus remarked. 

“Well, my dad didn’t raise me to be a biased, ignorant idiot like the rest of them.” She said. It was getting too intense again for her taste. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

Remus chuckled. “Your father sounds like a kind man. You seem to take after him.”

Amelia smiled affectionately as she thought of her father. She had heard this many times before. Everybody who knew her father spoke of his goodness. She had memories of her mother whispering 'Be like your father' as she had rocked her to sleep when she was a child. No, she couldn’t go there now. She needed to be strong. This was about Remus and his condition, she didn’t want to make this about her. 

She cleared her throat and dived into her bag. She pulled out the parchment she had written the recipe for the potion. She cast the spell to made a copy of the parchment and kept the original back in her bag. “Here’s a list of the ingredients in case you are allergic to anything. I don’t think you would be, most of these are standard ingredients used in everyday potions. But just in case.”

She handed him the parchment and he peered through it. “No, I am not allergic to anything on it. Thank you so much for bringing me the potion. It means a lot to me. Really.”

Amelia waved off her hand. “I should go. I have to send a vial to my dad too.”

She walked past him towards the door. She knew this was probably the last time she was seeing him before his transformation tonight. “I don’t suppose you will be able to take your class tomorrow?” she asked stopping at the door. 

He was looking at her intently. She was so thoughtful and so caring. She reminded him of Lily, her heart too was always pouring with concern and love for people she cared about. He felt his heart warm as he realized Amelia too cared about him. “No, other professors will be filling in for me.”

She nodded. There was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him, not to be scared, that it will be okay. That she would be right here waiting for him if he wanted her to. It will pass, he just had to be strong. He was not alone. He had her. But more than anything else, she wanted to hold him in her arms until it was time for the transformation.  
But all she could manage to say was, “It will be okay, don’t worry.”

Remus smiled at her sadly. He didn’t want to say it, he knew he could trust her, but it was a habit he had gotten into due to his past experiences. “Please, don’t tell anyone. The staff, of course, knows, for safety purposes. But I don’t want the students to know.”

She felt offended almost that he felt he had to say it to her. But she understood the prejudices people had all too well. She nodded, and murmured an ‘of course’, before letting herself out the door. 

Remus stared at the door long after she was gone. All of a sudden, he felt less lonely than he had on the many full moons he had lived through alone in the last twelve years. That’s because I am home now, he smiled to himself, thinking of the friends that he had made and known and loved at Hogwarts.


	8. Hi Again Madam Pomfrey!

Amelia sent the vial to her father. She had also attached a note with the package that explained everything he needed to know about the potion. She wanted to tell her dad about the new professor being a werewolf. But it didn’t seem like the kind of thing she should talk about in a letter. So, she put it off until she went home for the holidays.

In the Great Hall, Amelia saw Derek sitting on the Gryffindor Table, head bowed down into a book, eating a sandwich. She sat next to him and started filling her plate. Barring anything that would raise suspicions about Remus' condition, she talked about her day to Derek. She mostly focused on the potion she had made for her father. 

"Listen, Ames, there's something I have to - "

"Oi, What kind of a captain are you? We are supposed to have a friendly match with Hufflepuff in 10 minutes!" Oliver Wood shouted at Amelia, interrupting Derek. 

"Oliver, it's not the end of the world. Breathe. You guys carry on, I just have to check up on something. Meet you at the pitch." Amelia stuffed her pockets with food and ran out of the Great Hall. She could hear Oliver muttering angrily behind her. 

The idea has been there at the back of her mind since yesterday, forming into a theory unconsciously. She wanted to test it out now. She quickly made her way to the spot under the tree where she had met Paddy. She emptied her pockets of all the food and whistled softly, "Paddy? Come here, boy."

She only had to wait for a couple of minutes before the bushes behind her rustled and a large black dog walked towards her. She felt a grin swipe on her face. 

“Oh baby, so you are shy. You don’t have to be afraid of Derek, you know. He is my friend. I told him about you. He wanted to meet you too. He would never hurt you. You can trust him as you trust me.” She said. She had been right, Paddy hadn't shown up yesterday because she had brought Derek with her. She thought about what could make such a large dog scared of people, but she shelved the thought to ponder on later. 

“Come here, my boy. I got you food.”

He seemed to be very hungry, the way he jumped at the food. When she held out her hand to pet him, he stiffened and moved away from her. 

“I am sorry, Paddy. If you don’t want to meet anyone yet, I won’t bring anyone to see you. You are safe here, you know that though, don’t you?” she smiled at the dog as he gobbled down the food. As though satisfied by her apology, Paddy came closer to her and let her pet him. 

Amelia’s mind drifted away to the conversation she had had earlier with Remus. She wondered where he would be transforming. The Forbidden Forest probably. But there were a lot of creatures in there. Hagrid’s pets. And what if some student picked up tonight to sneak into the forest? No, she can’t doubt Remus now. He was smart, he would have thought about all this. The staff knows, he had said. Dumbledore had probably helped make some arrangements for him tonight. 

As she got up to leave, she kneeled down next to Paddy and hugged him close. He licked her neck as she did so. She smiled. “Just be careful tonight in the forest, okay? I don’t want him to hurt you accidentally. Stay near Hagrid’s hut tonight. You will be out of the way there.” She looked into the grey eyes that seemed to be calculating what she had just said. 

That dog is adorable but weird. The way he looks at me, he creeps me out sometimes. It's almost like he understands what I am saying. She thought as she made her way to the Quidditch pitch. 

She saw her team and the Hufflepuff team huddled together. As she came closer to the group, she saw who was addressing the group. Ahh, Jonathan Scott. He was the guy Amelia had kissed at a party last year. He was also, the Hufflepuff captain. 

"Gracious of you to finally join us!" Jon smirked at her. 

"I wanted to give you some space to rise out of my shadows, Jon. You are doing good so far, darling." Amelia blew him a kiss. 

After a final discussion as to the rules, they got on their brooms. As the match started, Amelia flew around her team, one eye on their maneuvers and the other on the Quaffle. She was one of the chasers. Every now and then, she let Angelina and Katie take on the Quaffle as she noticed how her team was faring, making mental notes to correct their movements after the game. 

Amelia was proud of seeing Harry fly. He circled the field from above keeping a close eye. The boy flew like a bird. It was fun to watch him fly. As Harry flew directly above her, he threw her a thumbs up and wiggled his eyebrows happily at her. It made her smile. Harry was always the happiest when he was on a broom. 

Amelia was just turning off her gaze to see Angelina and Derek when she felt something racing towards her from the left. She turned her head in time to see the bludger coming straight at her. Instincts kicked in. Oh, this is going to be fun, she thought. She quickly ducked and zoomed away from the bludger. She saw Derek coming towards her the Quaffle ducked under his arm. They shared a silent conversation and nodded to each other. Amelia was moving towards their goal post when she passed Derek. He quickly handed her the Quaffle and got out of her way. She zoomed towards the post, locating Jon flying in front of the middle post at the Hufflepuff end of the pitch. She assessed her options and flew towards the left. From the corner of her eye, she caught a blue-robed figure closing in on her. She might not score. But there was no way in hell that she was going to let him take the quaffle from her. Jon was inching towards the left goal post. Amelia smirked, he was falling for it. A few feet from the post, she went into a dive. The Hufflepuff behind her followed her sharply. He was good, she thought. Tailing her. 

She broke her dive and flew upwards, almost at a right angle. The Hufflepuff chaser broke his dive mud way and flew towards her, they were going to collide if one of them didn't stop. In the split second that she had to make a decision, she chose to throw the Quaffle towards the post. As she slowed won to see whether she had made the goal or not, she could see two blurred figures racing towards her from either side. She heard them and she realized it was too late to make a move now. She had neglected to keep an eye on the bludger as she had made her way to the post, too occupied by the Hufflepuff tailing her. She felt like two trains had jammed into her from either side. She could feel pain all over her body as she spiralled into blackness. 

It hurt all over. Her torso, her head, her legs. Everywhere she could feel, it hurt. From the soft cushioning feeling she got from under and around her, she knew she was heavily bandaged. This wasn’t her first Quidditch injury. But somehow, she hadn’t felt this much physical pain before either. She tried to open her eyes slowly. It didn’t hurt to do that, good. 

“And she is up finally. Go get Madam Pomfrey, Harry.” she heard Derek's voice. 

“Why do I have a feeling it was one of the twins who sent that bludger my way?” she groaned. 

"Sorry, Ames, I was just trying to chase away your stalker." Fred grinned sheepishly. 

“What am I going to do with you, Amelia Oswald? It’s your first week back and your second visit here!” Madam Pomfrey reprimanded as she came in with Harry at her heels. She quickly checked her injuries. Prodding her in places and muttering quick spells under her breath as Amelia winced at the touch. 

“If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't my fault this time, Madam Pomfrey,” Amelia said. 

“It never is, your fault, is it?” Madam Pomfrey said, handing her potions one after the other. As she drank the potions obediently, she felt the pain in body ease. Except in her right knee, where the bludger had hit her. 

"You fractured your knee. I repaired it, but I am going to keep you overnight anyhow." Madam Pomfrey said in a voice that meant that she was not in the mood to be argued with. “And I want everybody out, now. She needs to rest. You can come back tomorrow morning.” 

"Morning? How long had I been out?" Amelia asked. 

"For most of the day. It is almost curfew now." Harry said. "This might just be the longest one of us has been out due to a Quidditch injury."

"Yeah? Promise me you won't take me up on the challenge, Potter?" 

"I never do. Things just happen, Amelia."

One by one her team bid her goodbye and left. Madam Pomfrey handed her a dreamless sleep potion on her way to her office. Amelia drained the cup and snuggled comfortably under the blankets. Her body relaxing and her eyes wandered to the window. The last thought she had as sleep engulfed her was that both her father and Remus are going to have a long night. She had meant to check in on Remus in the morning, but as the situation stood, she might just as well find him checking in on her. I hope they are safe, she thought as she fell asleep.


	9. But You Were Just a Baby -

Amelia could hear a whispered conversation. The voices were talking in a hushed manner, softly, probably trying not to wake her up. A fat lot of good that did. She lay there, trying to listen in to the conversation as her mind tried to figure out where she was. A slight smell of potions told her she was in the hospital wing. Oh, the Quidditch match. Of course. So, that is why her body felt so sore. She wondered if her knee had healed completely. 

“I am proud of her for sharing the potion with you. She reminds me a lot of you Marauders.” Professor McGonagall whispered. 

She heard a soft laughter. She would know that laugh anywhere. 

“I hope she feels better soon,” Remus said. He sounded worried. 

“I do, but just not good enough to attend classes yet,” Amelia said in her most innocent voice. The two professors turned their heads to look at her. 

“Ms Oswald, it’s bad to eavesdrop.” Professor McGonagall resumed her stern voice but a smile played on her lips. 

“Not when you are on your deathbed!” Amelia said in a slow voice, widening her eyes dramatically. 

Remus chuckled again. “You are still going to have to drag your deathbed to my class tomorrow.” He played along. 

“And mine,” McGonagall said. After a pause, she added, “How are you feeling, Amelia?”

“Rested. A little stiff. But famished!” Amelia said, keeping up the drama. 

“Well, Madam Pomfrey said you were good to leave when you woke up. Your friends would have been here to take you back to the Gryffindor Tower but it’s after curfew. You almost slept for 24 hours. How about I escort you to the tower and I will summon an elf to fetch you some food in the common room?” McGonagall said. She always has been a little soft on her, especially whenever she wakes up in the infirmary after another little accident. 

“How about I go down to the kitchens instead? I would really like to stretch my legs properly. And I could –“

McGonagall cut her off. “It’s after curfew, Amelia. I am not affording you any special treatment.”

Amelia pouted at her Professor. She knew there was only so much she would let her get away with. 

“Let me take her off your hands, Minerva. I will take her down to the kitchens for dinner and then escort her back to the common room.” Remus interjected. 

Amelia looked at Remus carefully. Why wasn't he resting after the Full Moon? His face shown under the moonlight that crept in through the glass in the window. There were a couple of new scratches on his face. And he looked exhausted. But other than that, there was a playful look in his eyes she hadn’t seen before. McGonagall eyed him suspiciously. He held her gaze steadily. 

She finally sighed. “And I thought they were the bad influence on you.” She said shaking her head.

Remus gave her a sheepish grin. In that moment he looked 10 years younger. Who did she mean by they? Amelia wondered.

Professor McGonagall bid them good night and went on her way. Not before fixing Remus under a stern gaze to which he responded with an assuring nod. Amelia knew that look only too well, she had had that look directed at her many times. It meant – it’s your responsibility now. Don’t disappoint me. 

As soon as she was out of the doors, silence fell between them. Amelia looked down at her hands thinking about the close relationship Remus and McGonagall appeared to be sharing. Remus moved closer to her bed and picked up a goblet from her bedside. “Here, that’s the last dose for you.” He said handing her the goblet with a clear liquid in it.   
She took it silently and drank it. It made her feel so much better. She felt wide awake now. He took the goblet from her hands and kept it back on the bedside table. 

Amelia slowly climbed out of the bed, stumbling as her sore body struggled against her movements. Remus instinctively held her hand and steadied her, like he had done in the class the other day. 

“You don’t have to come with me, you know. You should go rest.” Amelia tried to dissuade him. She felt too vulnerable at the thought of walking with him around the deserted castle, especially when she had needed his support to even get out of bed. It felt too intimate a moment between them. But then, lately, all moments between them have felt intimate. Wait, was he still holding her hand?

“I don't mind. I don’t feel as tired or painful as I usually am. Thanks to your potion actually. It is great. I owe you this comfort.” He gently tugged at her hand and motioned for her to walk with him. She relented. 

“Oh, I am glad I could help. Let me know when you run out, I will make some more.” 

“I will. I am sorry to be a bother though.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of this?” she was slightly annoyed. He needs to get over his apprehensions and she was ready to give him time. But it was annoying to constantly hear talk this way about himself. Or was she annoyed because he had let go of her hand?

He seemed to have sensed her annoyance, for he didn’t reply. 

“The practice match was a disaster then.” He chuckled nervously trying to steer away the conversation. 

“You think?” She snorted. They fell into an easy conversation about the match and the accident as they made their way down to the kitchens. Their soft voices and their in-sync footsteps, the only sound in the sleeping castle. They entered the kitchens and were immediately accosted by the eager elves. They sat on the table and the elves fetched them hot noodles and some chocolate pie along with pumpkin juice. Amelia jumped on the food, barely having eaten anything the entire day. Their conversation flowed around harmless topics – her injury, the classes they both had missed today, etc. 

They ate their full and got up to leave when she remembered about Paddy. He hadn’t eaten all day either. With a start, she wondered if he was safe. What if Remus had attacked him? 

“What’s wrong?” Remus’ worried voice came from behind her. She turned to look at him and caught him looking around them with a concerned expression. 

“Nothing, I just –“ she mumbled as they stepped out of the kitchens and made their way up to the Gryffindor Tower.

Remus could sense her hesitance. He could tell she wanted to say something. “What is it, Amelia?” he tried to prod her. He knew if he said her name, she would give in. He knew he shouldn't encourage this kind of intimacy with her, but he was worried about the sudden shift in her mood. 

“I was just wondering where you transformed last night? In the Forbidden Forest?” she asked not meeting his eyes. 

He was surprised by her question, but not put off. “No, that wouldn’t be safe. Hagrid has that place filled with all kinds of pets I wouldn’t want to harm. Also, students find it tempting to sneak into the forest at night. It’s too big a risk to take. My quarters are out of the question as well. With the Wolfsbane Potion, I am not really a danger to anyone, but just in case somebody tries to sneak into my room at night for a prank maybe,” he smiled at her, she blushed in response, “The safest option is for me to transform in the Shrieking Shack. Dumbledore fixed that place up for me when I was a student here. It made sense for me to use that place again.” He said slowly. 

Amelia stopped dead in her tracks. Did she hear right? He was a werewolf already when he was a student here? 

“How... how old were you when...?” she asked slowly, not wanting to make him angry or uncomfortable. He looked at her for a long time. Her empathy made his heart ache. He could see how much it hurt her to know about this. He bit his lip. He shouldn’t have let that slip. She didn’t need to know that. 

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to talk about it, I am sorry.” She quickly said when he didn’t reply. She turned to move on when he spoke almost in a whisper. “I was four.”

She turned around just in time to see his eyes turning away from her. He looked down at his feet. Amelia’s eyes moistened. He was a baby when he was bitten! He has lived all his life with this condition! She couldn’t stop herself. Her heart broke for him. All the playfulness of their earlier conversation was long gone. She launched herself at him. Wrapping her hands around his neck and shoulders and pulling him closer to her. She half sobbed and half-whispered in his ear, “I am sorry, I am so sorry. You didn’t deserve this, you were just a baby!” She stood on her toes, he was taller than she was. 

He stood there stunned. But he broke out of his thoughts when he felt her tears on his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against his chest. He almost picked her off the ground. “It’s okay, shh, it was a long time ago. It’s okay, Amelia. Please, don’t cry.” He said softly, rubbing circles in her back. It pained him to see her crying for him. 

They stood there for some time holding on to each other. Each drew strength from the other. Remus felt all his pain and exhaustion from the transformation draining out of his body as he held Amelia in his arms. With a sharp pain in his heart, he realized, he hadn’t had anyone hug him or hold him like this since the night James and Lily had died. Sirius and Remus had held on to each other as they mourned their friends that night. But when Peter died, and Sirius was imprisoned for his murder, there had been no one else for Remus to turn to. He unconsciously drew her closer to him, placing a hand in her hair and kissing her cheek. 

Amelia felt herself unravel in his arms. All the tears she had hidden from her father for years now spilled onto her face. Her heart grew lighter as she felt his arms enveloping her, his lips pressing lightly on her cheeks. She felt safe and vulnerable at the same time. Her breathing slowed and her tears stopped in his embrace. She snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. His closeness calmed her down. 

“You scared me today, Amelia. You have no idea how terrified I was when Poppy told me about you in the morning when she came to patch me up. I don’t want to lose you too.” Remus whispered, more to himself than to her. 

Amelia couldn’t breathe anymore. Did he mean what she thought he meant?

“I was worried about you too. I knew you were in pain and I could do nothing for you.” Amelia confessed. Until she had heard Remus’ voice on waking up in the hospital wing, she hadn’t realized how worried she had been for him. 

Remus pulled back slightly to look in her eyes, “Of course, you were worried about me when you were on the deathbed yourself.” He stroked her cheek. Amelia hit his chest playfully with the back of her hand. Remus rested his hands on her hips and smiled affectionately at her. They were both gazing in each other’s eyes, the world lost to them. They had no idea how long they stood there.

Suddenly they were startled by a purring sound near their feet. They looked down and jumped back a step when they saw a cat meowing near their feet.

“I hate this cat. Come on, Filch must be on his way too.” Remus murmured annoyed, pulling Amelia by her hand and walking towards a secret passageway nearby at a fast pace.

Amelia had no idea where he was leading her when he missed the staircase. He kept going straight and pulled her with him in a hidden passageway behind a tapestry. 

“What...Where...How did you know this was here? She asked him, impressed by his knowledge of the secret pathways of the castle. 

Remus’ boyish grin was back. “I was a student here once, remember?” was all he said before hushing her. They could hear Filch’s footsteps on the other side of the tapestry.   
When Filch’s footsteps died away, Remus turned his eyes to find Amelia grinning at him. 

“What?” he asked amused by her expressions. 

“I was just wondering what did Professor McGonagall meant when she said she thought they were the bad influence on you? Could it be that Professor Remus thou-shalt-break-no-rules Lupin was actually a rule-breaking student himself?” Amelia said, closing her eyes to emphasize her bewilderment.

“Maybe.” He said playfully, his boyish grin intact. Oh, how she loved to see him loosen up like that. He tugged at her hand that he was still holding and led her down the passageway where they stood hidden. It was a shortcut that led straight to their floor, he took a turn and they found themselves standing in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. 

Amelia was amazed at discovering this shortcut. But her face fell as she saw their destination in front of her. She didn’t want tonight to end. 

“You have to tell me about all secret passageways around the school!” Amelia said. 

Remus laughed. “No, Ms Oswald, sorry to disappoint you but as your professor, I most certainly cannot do that in good conscience.”

“Oh come on, you can’t just switch like that whenever you want between being my professor and being...” Amelia let her words trail off, not sure how she to end that sentence. Being her what? Her friend? Or was this something different? But how could it be? They have hardly known each other for a week. And he was her professor after all. Not to mention almost 15 years older than her. 

Her half uttered sentence had brought Remus out of the spell he had allowed himself to be in since yesterday. When he had first held her close to him. He hasn’t been thinking straight since then. What has he been doing? What has he allowed to happen between them? She was her student, for God’s sake. She was 15 years younger than him. She was young, beautiful woman with her whole life ahead of her and he was an unlucky old man, with a terrible curse who burned everything he touched. 

“You should go get some rest.” Remus said withdrawn suddenly. 

Amelia had seen his eyes hardening. She was mentally kicking herself for saying what she had. “Good Night” was all she could say as she gave the password and walked into the common room.


	10. Penguin?

Tuesday morning came earlier than Amelia was prepared to face it. She lay in bed, reluctant to get out. images from last night came pouring in. Once again, Remus and Amelia had shared a moment too intimate for their own good. Once again, they had been interrupted. And once again, Amelia lay in bed wondering what would have happened had they not been interrupted. 

Whatever it had been, or could have been, there was no mistaking the hardness in Remus’ face and voice when she had stupidly mentioned their relationship or the lack of a word for it. She banged her head against the pillow. What were you thinking, you idiot? The thought of Remus, now made her heart heavy as even though she remembered how his arms had felt around her, she still couldn’t un-see the harshness on Remus’ face as he left her last night. That seemed to have undone all the moments they had shared before. The thought of coming face to face with him in class almost paralyzed her. She was thinking if she could possibly miss his class. 

"Aren't you going to get out of bed?" Cathy asked her. 

"Arghh, I don't want to. I am still a little sore from my accident." The lie came easy to her. She was friends with Cathy, one of her roommates, but nowhere close enough for her to know when Amelia was lying. Besides, the groundwork would come in handy if she decided to ditch Remus' class later. 

"Oh, you should go down and see Madam Pomfrey after breakfast. You know, Derek is really worried about you. I had such a hard time getting him to eat, he just wouldn't leave your bedside when you were out. Or Harry, for that matter."

Amelia sat up straight in bed. She was touched by her friends' concern for her. There was something else that she detected in Cathy's voice that rose a flag in her head, but she couldn't quite place it. Between Remus and her friends, her head seemed to be drowning with thoughts that demanded her attention. Also, she had to check up on her father. 

As Amelia got ready, Cathy filled her up on all that she had missed yesterday in class. When he mentioned Remus’ class being taken over by Professor Flitwick, she made a surprised face and nodded along. Derek was waiting for her in the common room. He was glad to see her up and about finally. 

"Oh, and you should probably write to your dad. He is probably worried sick." Derek said, not quite meeting her eyes.

"What? You told him? Are you mad? Do you realize - " Amelia trailed off, not wanting to say anything more in front of Cathy. But the guilty look that appeared on Derek's face told her that he understood she was angry at him for having written to her father about her injury during a full moon. 

"Dude, you were out for hours when we took you to the infirmary. And then you again slept for almost a day yesterday. I panicked, okay?"

"Arghh. Why are you like this Derek?" Amelia groaned. She spent the remainder of the breakfast grumping at him. For all her speech to her father about not keeping things from her, she wasn't going to tell him about her accident anytime soon. Especially not so close to the full moon. he had enough troubles of his own without having to worry about her as well. 

The classes that day went smoothly. There was just too much to study, to take notes on that she didn’t have much time to let her mind wander. Until she found herself walking into Remus’ class. Her breath quickened. She didn't know what to expect or how to behave. What do you say to your professor when you see him in class after you flung yourself at him last night and cried in his arms?

She took her usual seat next to Derek and waited with the rest of the class for Remus to turn up. He walked in five minutes later, laden with a bunch of books. He placed them on the table and started his lecture. It did not take Amelia more than five minutes to realize that he was purposely avoiding looking at her. His eyes just swept right over her as he looked at the class during his lecture. 

Amelia was unsure how that made her feel. Yes, she was disappointed. She would have liked to be at least acknowledged. Hadn't he said last night that he had been worried about her? What kind of worry was that had evaporated overnight? She also felt a tinge of anger. After last night she deserved better than this. She decided to keep off from judging the situation until the class was over. Maybe he will talk to her after the class. 

The lecture went without much fanfare. It was a basic theoretical lecture, not Remus’ style, but well, the theory had to be done too. As the class ended, she looked over the students trying to catch Remus' eyes. But he was bent over the desk, his back to the class. As the students left the classroom, Remus picked up his speed and hastily packed his things too. Without looking back at the class, he left the classroom in quick strides. 

Amelia stared after him. His behaviour made her feel angry, but also embarrassed. Here she was crushing on him, while it was so easy for him to ignore her. She felt stupid for getting carried away and thinking that there was something between the two of them. Remus is older than you are, he is breathtakingly handsome and is incredibly kind. He could have anyone he wanted. Why would he want an ordinary schoolgirl like you? Amelia thought. 

Once Amelia accepted Remus' indifference, life fell into an easy routine again. Between classes, studying for Newts, homework, Quidditch practice and petting Paddy, Amelia had a plenty full plate. Remus was still avoiding her like the plague. He was perfectly polite to her in class like he was to every other student, and on more than one occasions he had literally gone out of his way to avoid passing by her in the hallways. Fine by me, she thought. It was easier to put off the moments they had shared last week to full moon induced mood swings on Remus’s part and adjusting to Hogwarts life again after her break up last year, on her own part. It was almost like a drunken weekend neither of them wanted to remember. on rare occasions when they happened to steal glances at each other at the same time, the air between them would grow so thick that they would rather choose to spend time with Snape than address the other one. 

It was Friday evening and Amelia and Derek were sitting in the common room near a window, reading. Amelia was sitting against the wall with her legs crossed at the ankle. Derek was lying on his stomach next to her making notes for his Potions essay. Cathy had just gone up to bed. Amelia had noticed, she had been spending a lot of time with them since the term started. 

“This was the longest week I have ever had at Hogwarts. My brain hurts.” Amelia said, closing the book and keeping it aside. 

“It wasn’t that long. I mean, it seemed regular to me.” Derek said, getting up slowly and looking Amelia in the eyes. 

“I have been meaning to talk to you though. Well, to be honest, I know you are hiding something from me. And that’s fine. I know you will come around when you are ready to talk about it. But you have been straining yourself unnecessarily lately, and in an unhealthy way, Ames. I am getting worried now.” Derek said. 

“I...nothing, it’s just Newts pressure that’s all,” Amelia said slowly. She should have seen this coming. After almost six years of friendship, they were dangerously attuned to each other’s feelings. 

Derek raised his eyebrows at her. What was she keeping from him?

"Look, I have to write to pa. You kind of put me in a spot when you blabbered to him about my accident. I will see you tomorrow, okay?" She said getting up. Yup, ride on his guilt out of the unwanted interrogation. 

Back in her room, she wrote a letter for her father. Her roommates were already asleep. It was close to midnight. Earlies this week, Amelia had received a letter from her father telling her how good her new potion was. But he also demanded that she tell him about the accident. 

In her letter to her father, she told him about her stay in the hospital wing. She made sure to tell him that Derek had exaggerated her injuries and that she was perfectly fine now. She wrote she had waited to write earlier because he was just getting off the effects of the full moon and she didn’t want to give him something else to worry about. And then she hadn’t had the time to write over the week. Now that she was finally writing to her dad, she didn’t want to keep anything from him. She told him about the dementor attack on the train. She knew it would worry him too much, but she had to tell him. She kept back the memories that the incident had triggered. She was sure it had been her mother's screaming that she had heard. But what she couldn't understand was how could she possibly have those memories? She had been sent over to a friend's for the night. Or, that was what she had been told. Well, another discussion that she is going to have to put off until she meets her dad again. 

It took her about fifteen minutes to finish the letter but sleep was still nowhere close to coming. She thought she might as well just send the letter now, a walk could do her good. She had never really cared about the curfew. And now she knew that secret passageway that will lead her right next to the infirmary, it will be easier to get to the owlery from there without being caught.

Amelia slipped out of the dormitory keeping the letter securely in her pajama pocket with some treats for Penguin. The common room was empty now. The fire was almost dead. She climbed out of the portrait hole and slowly walked down the stairs keeping an eye out for Mrs Norris lurking in the shadows.

Amelia’s mind wandered back to the night when she had walked around the castle after curfew with Remus. What was that? It surely had meant something to him. But if it had, why was he ignoring her now. With her mind fixed on Remus trying to unravel the knot that had been forged, she soon found herself in the owlery. 

She looked around for Penguin. It had to be sleeping here somewhere. It often alternated between being here and being at home with her dad, so Amelia wasn’t sure if Penguin was here or not. 

“There you are, baby.” She spotted her brown barn owl and walked towards him. It was sleeping close to the window. She nudged him slightly, but he didn’t steer. 

“Please, Penguin, wake up. I swear this is the last time I am spending you on a night trip. Penguin, get up, you sleepyhead!” she caressed the owl. This wasn’t the first time she was waking her owl up in the middle of the night. And she knew exactly how to bribe him. 

“Look what I have for you here. You didn’t think I would just show up here without these, did you, Penguin?” she pulled out the treats from her pocket. At the smell of his favorite food, Penguin stirred and opened one eye. 

“Thank you, Penguin. Would you take this home to dad, please? And you can stay with him for a week or two. I will use a school owl if I need to send something urgently. You keep him company for a while. Okay, Penguin?”

Amelia talked to her owl as she tied the letter to his leg securely. She rubbed his fur as she held him out the window and let it fly into the night. She stood there staring out the window as Penguin became an indiscernible dot amongst the stars. 

Behind her, somebody cleared his throat. 

She turned around startled by the interruption in the peaceful night and was surprised to see Remus leaning against the door, his arms crossed, and a slight smile playing on his lips. How long had he been standing there?

How dare he look at me like that after he has been so mean to me this whole week, Amelia thought. 

“Penguin?” he raised one eyebrow at her laughing his soft laugh. 

Some of the anger and hurt she had been holding on to, dissipated as his laugh filled her ears. She shrugged her shoulders. She was not going to give him the satisfaction. He had hurt her, and she wasn't going to forgive him just because he was standing there looking adorable. 

Remus sensed his coldness and sighed. He deserved it. And it was better this way, honestly. This is what he wanted, wasn't it?

“Come, I will escort you to back to the Gryffindor Tower. Unless you would rather like to be caught by another teacher and given detention.” He crossed his arms around his chest, fixing his eyes on her. 

Amelia thought about it. She didn’t trust herself to be around him alone. But a part of her also desperately wanted to spend more time with him, possibly even hold him again. She knew he wasn't going to give her detention. Any other teacher in his place would surely do. It was an easy decision. 

“Sure, thank you, Professor.” She said curtly, motioning for him to move ahead. If they were to do this, it would be on her terms. 

Remus nodded and turned to go. Amelia made up her mind that she was not going to say anything. It was him who had been ignoring her, it is up to him to end this silence between them. They walked silently. Amelia walking a step behind him. None of them said a word. 

Remus took two more shortcuts along the way, it seemed like he wanted to avoid running into any other teachers too. Amelia closely watched the paths they were taking trying to memorize all the secret passageways. She stared wide-eyed as they walked out of a tapestry similar to the one they had walked through the last time. This time she came out to the right of the corridor that led to the Gryffindor Tower. She heard Remus chuckle at her expressions. She shot him a glare before walking ahead with her head held high. There was no way she was going to feed that satisfaction he was so clearly feeling.

Amelia dismissed him with a nod and climbed in through the portrait hole. If he wanted things to be different between them, he would have said so. He clearly wanted nothing to do with her and had made this much very clear by the way he had behaved the past week. She was not going to pine after him. Time to move on from her school girl's fantasy. 

Amelia was absolutely oblivious to how difficult it was for Remus to fall asleep that night.


	11. Finding Distractions

The following weeks saw Amelia diving into her books and desperately trying to not think about Remus. That night in the owlery was an exception. Remus was still avoiding her in the daylight, and his indifference, though gnawed at her heart, it made it easier for her to keep her mind off of him. Also, ever since the Quidditch accident, Jon has been coming up to her to talk at least once a day. At first, he was just asking after her recovery, but then slowly he had started walking her to Gryffindor common room after dinner. Once or twice, they had sat in the library studying together. 

Amelia was grateful for the distraction that Jon offered her. It was simple to be with him. With him, there were no complications. There was no need to maintain secrecy, no need to steal glances at him from the corner of her eyes, no need to run away at the sound of somebody approaching. With Jon, things sailed smoothly. More than once, as they sat huddled under a window in the library, Amelia caught herself staring at Jon's lips, trying to remember how they had tasted when they had kissed last year. Jon hadn't said anything about it now, but even in doing so, he had implied that the ball was in her court, that if she wanted, he too would like to stir things between them. 

During dinner one day, Penguin brought a letter from her dad. She had been waiting for it. By the weight of the letter in her hand, she knew it was a long one. She finished her dinner and decided to carry some food out to Paddy. She would read the letter then. Ten minutes later, she was sitting at their spot, placing the food on the ground, whistling for Paddy. After a minute or so, Paddy jumped from behind the trees at her and started licking her face. 

“I have missed you too, Paddy.” Though she has been careful to leave food once a day every day, she hadn’t had much time lately to sit with him. But now that she was here, she took a close at Paddy. He looked much better than when she had first seen him. He was still far from looking healthy, but he didn’t exactly look malnourished now. His eyes had lost some of the haunted look they previously had. It made her heart swell in happiness to see him doing considerably better. “I am so happy to see you are recovering, baby. Another month and you should be as good as new.” Paddy looked up at her from where he was gripping the mashed potatoes she had brought for him and placed his paw on her arm. The gesture made her smile. She sat there running her hands through Paddy’s furs and fondly watching him eat. This dog made her so happy, she thought. 

Slowly Amelia opened the letter. She read it slowly. Needless to say, her father was furious to hear about the dementor attack. ‘I will be writing to Dumbledore about this. I don’t care if a mass murderer is on the loose, I don’t want my daughter exposed to Dementors. Dumbledore should have known better.’ The letter said. Amelia smiled sadly. Even though she hadn’t told him what she had relived when the Dementor came near her, he must have guessed at it judging by his response. It also confirmed her suspicions that there was more to her mother's death than she had been told. If she had been safely sent off to a friend's house for that fateful full moon, how did she have the memories that she was now remembering? The Dementors did not make up new memories. They merely resurfaced the darkest, saddest memories its victim had. Merely. She sighed. 

About the Quidditch injury, he wrote, ‘I have just been waiting for you to tell me something like this. You seem to have outdone yourself this time, Ames. I am just glad you are not thinking about a career in Quidditch.’

She sat there with Paddy for a long time, thinking about the memories that the Dementor had brought back. She was not her usual playful self with Paddy, and so he took it upon himself to draw her attention to him. He wanted to be petted by her.

Amelia looked down at her sleeve, Paddy was tugging at her robes. He had got saliva all over it in trying to get her to notice him. She smiled and scratched him behind the ear. She bent and placed a kiss on the dog's head. He always managed to calm her down. 

On Thursday afternoon Amelia found herself almost drowsing in the History of Magic class. Professor Binns was going on as usual and Amelia was so hopelessly bored that she had no idea what the lecture was even about. 

Suddenly she felt ticklish on her hands. She looked down to see a parchment floating near her hand. She turned her head around to see who this was from and found Jon winking at her from her right. She opened the parchment and read it. 

Party in the dungeons. Firewhiskey. 7th years. This Saturday. Spread the word.

Interesting. She kicked Derek under their table and handed him the note. He rubbed his eyes, rising from his slumber and poured over the parchment. His sleepy eyes soon shone in excitement. A grin spreading over his face, he levitated the parchment to where Cathy sat with her friend from Ravenclaw. Amelia spent rest of the class, smiling as she saw the parchment move around the room, hushed whispers following in its wake. This was going to be fun. 

This Saturday was a Hogsmeade weekend, but since the seventh years have had a lot of those over the last few years, they have often exchanged them for a party in the castle itself. It was one of the few times when the animosity between the different houses was at a minimum. And all of them came together to just relax, share gossip, complain about how much homework they were getting, plan pranks on teachers, etc. These parties were also where a lot of romantic action happened, people got in and out of relationships during these parties, creating a much gawked at scene for the other students. Every student who came to the party, nicked whatever they could - Food, Sweets, Butterbear, Firewhiskey, Muggle alcohol, Cigarettes. Oh, these parties were a blast. 

Amelia wore her Queen Tee and blue jeans for the party. She let her hair fall about her shoulders in waves. She put on a thin line of eyeliner and brown lipstick. She slipped on her shoes and went down to the common room. It was mostly filled with first and second years who were not allowed to go to Hogsmeade yet and were not invited to the party either. 

A couple of them were giggling and pointing to the sofa in front of the fireplace. She followed their gaze and almost doubled over with laughter. Derek and Cathy sat there wrapped around each other, making out. The way they held on to each other, they looked adorable. But there was no way she was going to let him get away with it without poking fun at him. She walked up to them and leaned from the back of the sofa. 

"You could have at least given me a warning. It's not good manners to cheat on your best friend with her roommate." Amelia said, clicking her tongue and shaking her head. 

Derek pulled away from Cathy and laughed. "I have been trying to tell you," They got out of the sofa, arms still wrapped around each other. He was positively beaming while Cathy wore a sheepish look. 

"It's fine, Cathy. You can steal my man, I don't mind." Amelia said softly, chuckling. 

"Oh Amelia!" Cathy laughed too. She looked Amelia over. “I will never understand how you just wing your outfits and manage to look so effortlessly hot.”

“Flirt with your boyfriend, Cathy.” Amelia snorted as they went out of the portrait hole and made their way down to the dungeons. In preparing the dungeons for the party, the students had used the silencing charms around the empty classrooms they would be gathered in so that the teachers weren’t attracted by the commotion. A couple of students from each house would stand on guard duty around nearby hallways to keep an eye out for any approaching teachers. Oh, how she loved these parties. Earlier in the day, Fred and George had slipped off enough Butterbeer and Sweets that no other Gryffindor student had to get anything else. Jon had promised Firewhiskey. 

Oh, I am so getting wasted today, Amelia thought.


	12. Party In The Dungeons

As the trio turned the corridor, they saw a scattered group of students mingling with their friends from other houses. Waving and nodding at familiar faces, they made their way into the designated classroom and were immediately accosted by the loud music. The desks had been moved into the corners, lining the walls. There were groups sitting huddled on the desks, laughing. The space in the middle had been cleared in favor of a dance floor. One glance at the crowd and it was clear that the dance floor, at least for now, belonged to the gyrating couples. She is going to have to come back later.

Amelia started swinging lightly in tune with the music as she made her way to grab a drink. She found it difficult to socialize without first downing a drink.

“Allow me, my lady.” Jon gallantly bowed to her from in front of the desk that was the makeshift bar for the night. There was a mischevious glint in his eyes that Amelia returned.

“That would be lovely, sir,” she said with a grandiose courtesy. He handed her a bottle of Firewhiskey and picked up one for himself and walked her over to one corner of the classroom.

Amelia looked him over. He was wearing a white shirt that tightly wound around his torso and blue jeans. He had folded back the sleeves of his shirt roughly. His hair, hung loosely around his face, almost brushing his shoulders. Damn, he looks really hot, mused Amelia.

“You look charming as always,” Jon said, taking a sip from his bottle.

“As do you,” Amelia said taking a sip as well and looking him straight in the eye. There was no harm in some light flirting.

Just like that, they fell into an easy conversation about muggle Literature and Music. Occasionally sharing sly glances and comments. Jon kept summoning more bottles from the bar as they finished one after the other. Amelia didn’t mind. The last couple of weeks had been too much emotionally, she wanted a break. For tonight, she wanted to let loose and just relax.

"So, how long have you been in love with Freddie Mercury?" Jon asked, motioning towards her tee.

"Ahhh, a couple of years now. Pa loves Queen. It's hard to wake up to the same tunes for as long as you can remember and not fall in love with it."

"Do you think you would have found Queen on your own if not for your dad's obsession?"

"Oh man, I honestly don't know. I think most of the things we learn to love, we find our way to them through people around us. How did you find Queen?"

"Ah, just some girl in my year who goes around parading a Queen Tee."

Amelia sniggered. If there was one way to get her undivided attention, it was to start a conversation about the things she loved. Jon knows her too well to not know what would do her in.

As they spoke about their shared love for Freddie Mercury, they slowly started leaning towards each other. They both were slightly buzzed by now. Buzzed enough that when Derek waved them over from the dance floor, they thought it was a good idea to join him. Amelia and Jon looked at each other and shrugged at the same time. And then giggled over their coordination. Okay, more than slightly buzzed.

Amelia couldn’t make out what song was on. There was just too much howling coming from the students. She absentmindedly swung her body to the music. Jon did the same. After two minutes of bumping into each other and other people around them, Amelia shouted at Jon to be heard over the chatter, “I think we are too drunk to not be a hazard on the dance floor!”

“Agreed. Do you want to sneak out for some quiet?” Jon yelled back at her.

Amelia nodded and turned towards the door. She held on to Jon’s hand and pulled him through the crowd, elbowing bodies to make some space. Once in the hallway, she kept turning corners until she found a quiet, empty corner. She stopped near the window and pulled herself onto the sill. Her feet swinging mid-air, she rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes. Jon stood next to her looking out the window.

“The moon is especially beautiful tonight,” Jon murmured, "So calming."

"I think the moon is more treacherous than beautiful," Amelia whispered. 

Jon turned to face Amelia. Slowly, he moved towards her and stood in front of her, his hands resting on her knees. "I think everything beautiful is treacherous," he said softly. He stood there still, looking at her peaceful face as it shone in the moonlight and waited for her to make the next move.

Amelia opened her eyes and saw Jon’s face right in front of hers. She placed her hands around his neck and pulled him to her. She widened her legs to make space for Jon to nuzzle closer to her. This was all the encouragement that Jon needed. He reached up and placed his lips on hers and slipping in his tongue in one swift motion. His hands roamed around her back. Amelia pulled on his hair and tilted his head backward deepening the kiss. The kiss was hungry and urgent. They could both taste Firewhiskey off each other’s breath. As they parted their lips to catch a breath, Jon whispered, “God, you are hot.” Amelia smiled and brought her lips down to his ear. She nibbled on his earlobe, softly grazing her teeth against it. Jon let out a soft moan and slipped his hand under her Tee. He placed his other hand on the back of her neck and left kisses down her throat. The way he was sucking and biting at her neck, Amelia was sure he was going to leave a hickey or two. She didn’t mind. She intended to mark him with few hickeys of his own.

Amelia closed her eyes and arched her body into his. Her neck, tilted back to expose more skin for him to mark. His mention of the moon had stirred something in her. She wanted to be as wild as the moon sometimes is. She hastily unbuttoned his shirt and ran her lips along his collarbone. She reached up to the spot where his neck met his shoulder and sucked aggressively. The moan that escaped his lips turned her on even more. Gods, she has been dying to hear him like this since that night in the classroom. So, this is how it would have felt if she had been brave enough to meet the distance between their lips. If he hadn't been too adamant about doing the right thing and pushing her away. She could feel his lips on hers again. His tongue gliding alongside hers. She thanked her stars for whatever had finally made him finally lose control like this. She raised her hand to his cheek, her fingers trailing on the skin to find the scar. She wanted to kiss every inch of it. Of him.

“Teachers are raiding, run!! I repeat, Lupin and Snape are upon us, run for your life.” They could hear shouts coming from the hallway and heavy footsteps. 

Amelia and Jon pulled away from each other abruptly. Amelia jumped off the window sill, lost her balance and landed on top of Jon on the ground. Amelia started confusedly into the unexpected face. Both of them had a horrifying look on their face, both coming to different realizations. Jon regained control of the situation first and quickly got on his feet, pulling Amelia after him.

"We are going to have to make a run for it. We can't get caught like this. Too much trouble." Jon said, hurriedly buttoning his shirt.

Amelia stood there dumbfounded. Had she really been thinking what she thought she was thinking! A group of students came running around the corridor and ran into them. Everyone was trying to run away before they could be caught partying and illegally drinking. The crowd carried her along. Did they say he was one of the teachers who were raiding the dungeons? Amelia felt nauseated. She should not have drunk so much. And she definitely should not have been snogging someone else when she was clearly so hung up on him.

Amelia’s buzz died down a little, temporarily overcome by shock as the reality of the situation she was in stared her in the face. She did not want Lupin to find her, not when she had just been making out with another guy. Not when she was wasted enough to take off a guy's shirt in the middle of the hallway. Not when she had been fantasizing about him when she had been doing all this. Amelia groaned. Okay, first things first, damage control. She looked over the tide of students and spotted Jon coming towards her. "No, run, I will see you tomorrow," she shouted at him. He stared at unbelievingly, but seeing as he did not really have a choice, he nodded and made his way towards the stairs.

Once she had seen him go, she turned and ran towards one of the secret passageways that Lupin had shown her earlier. Making sure, none of the students saw her take the hidden turn, she ran as fast as she could and didn't stop until she found a girls' lavatory. Rushing in, she closed the door behind her and fell to the ground panting. The bathroom danced before her eyes. She knew she was going to be sick. She got up and ran to the first booth and fell om the ground next to the toilet. She could feel all the Firewhiskey coming back up her throat. As she puked her guts out into the toilet, she felt her hair being pulled back into a ponytail. Someone was gently rubbing her back. The hand felt calloused against the thin fabric of her Tee. The hands kept a tight hold on her as she emptied her insides. When there was nothing left to throw up, she slumped back into the arms holding her. She felt herself being raised and lead to the washbasin.

Leaning into the arms, Amelia found herself standing in front of the mirror. As she looked at the reflection in the mirror, her heart stopped beating. Shit.

Remus just shook his head and silently conjured a glass. He filled it up from the basin and handed it to Amelia. She took it gratefully, without meeting his eyes and rinsed her mouth before drinking some water. She couldn't think. Out of all the people who could have found her, it had to be him! She splashed cold water on to her face, hoping to wash off some of the shame she now felt. She picked up a towel from the countertop and started wiping her face and neck. Her eyes drifted to her reflection in the mirror. There were red marks all over her neck. She glanced at Remus and saw his eyes fix on her reflection’s neck in the mirror. His face and eyes blank of any emotion.

“What am I going to do about you?” Remus whispered. He hadn’t realized he had said it louder than he had intended to. Amelia turned towards him. They were still standing close to each other, Remus supporting her against his body. He hadn’t let go of her since he had led her to the basin.

“Stop resisting," Amelia replied without thinking. Remus’ head jerked up and his eyes found hers. He was shocked to hear the anger and longing in her voice. Amelia couldn’t believe that she had actually said this out loud to him. She shouldn’t have drunk so much. But now that she had called out the tension between them, she was not going to back down. She wanted to see how he would react. They looked at each other, Amelia daring him to be honest with her and Remus begging her to let it go. At last, Remus turned his eyes down, he raised his wand and waved it around her neck, removing all signs of her drunken escapades.

“We have to go. It’s not safe here.” He said. With that he held Amelia’s hand and pulled her towards the door. Amelia was confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Sirius Black has broken into the castle.”

“What? ... How? ... That’s impossible. It’s supposed to be safe here. There are dementors outside. How did he manage to get past them?” She was feeling dizzy again. Her mind was a whirlpool of thoughts.

“We don’t know yet. The school is being searched. Everybody’s gathered in the Great Hall.”

They were swiftly moving along the corridors. Remus’ wand held ready for a duel and his other hand wrapped protectively around Amelia.

“Wait,” Amelia stopped dead in her tracks. Remus turned to look at her, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “We have to find Harry,” she said. Of course, she should have known. Black must have broken in to come after Harry. She couldn’t believe Black would have the guts to harm Harry right under Dumbledore’s nose. But the man had broken out of the prison that was supposed to be impenetrable.

Remus’ face contorted. She had never seen such fierce rage on his face. It was strangely mixed with deep sadness. But his eyes remained alert. “He already killed everyone I loved, He is not having Harry too. Harry’s safe for now. He is in the Great Hall with everybody else.”

They made their way to the Great Hall half running. “You go in. I have to help search the castle.” Remus said. Amelia obeyed wordlessly. Remus watched her get into the Great Hall and ran off towards the stairs. Amelia quickly found Harry to make sure he was okay. And then went off to sit next to Derek. He eyed her questioningly. She shrugged. "What happened here?" Amelia asked. Derek explained how Sirius had tried to get into the Gryffindor Tower. But the Fat Lady wouldn’t let him through without the password. So, he had angrily shredded her portrait and ran away. They were all supposed to sleep in the Great Hall tonight, while the teachers searched the castle.

After debating how Black could have managed this for some time, the Great Hall started to quiet down slowly. Amelia snuggled into her sleeping bag, categorically refusing to accept what Remus and she had said to each other.


	13. You Just Have To Be Kind To Yourself

The first thing that Amelia registered on waking up the next morning was that she had had one too many Firewhiskeys last night. Her head throbbed as if somebody was hammering it from the inside. Her eyes felt heavy. Her throat dry. She tried rubbing her eyes, hoping that will ease some of the pain she felt behind them. She pressed her fingers against her temples, trying to stop the hammering. But nothing worked. It was then that the last night started to come back to her slowly. Yes, it was fun drinking with Jon. And what they had done after drinking was a different kind of fun. But after that, the memories started to blur. She remembered running around the castle and hurling her guts out. Something about Sirius Black? She remembered a long silence as she stared into a pair of amber eyes...

Fuck. What have I done!

She sat up straight in bed and immediately regretted her decision. The Great Hall swam before her eyes. It took a minute for her to steady her head and when she did she carefully looked around her. Derek was still sleeping next to her. A couple of rows down to her right, she saw Harry's unruly hair popping out of his sleeping bag. The scar just barely visible under the strands of hair laying on his forehead. Sirius Black hadn't managed to get Harry last night, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try again. She had to talk to somebody about it. 

Amelia scanned the room for teachers. She saw some of them standing near the walls, some talking in groups, and some walking amongst the students. But where was he? She couldn't believe she had called him out like that. How in the name of Merlin had she gathered courage enough to ask him to stop resisting and give in to his feelings for her? Oh yes, all the firewhiskey you had! She banged her hand on her head. That just made her hangover worse. Great. But wait a minute, hadn't he said something like what he would do about her? Meaning, there definitely was something that he was holding back. Shit, Jon. She felt mortified that Remus had seen her neck marked by another man when she had stood in front of daring him to...to what exactly?

She turned around to see if Remus was in the Great Hall. She looked over the hall twice before she spotted him standing near the wall behind her. As she looked at him, her face reddened when she realized he was staring fixedly at her. Had he seen her facepalm? She quickly averted her gaze and turned her back to him. She got out of her sleeping bag. Okay, that is something she will have to get back to later. First off, she had to know if Black had been caught. 

She could feel Remus’ eyes on her but decidedly kept her face away from his field of vision. She was too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. She spotted Professor McGonagall and went up to her, “Professor, has Black been caught?” Professor McGonagall looked exhausted. Her hair was falling out from her bun that was at other times immaculately done. It was evident that she hadn’t slept all night. 

“No, he got away,” she said. 

“Is it safe for Harry here, Professor?” Amelia asked cautiously, she did not mean to offend but Black had been here. What if he had made through the Portrait hole or worse, found Harry wandering the corridors?

Professor McGonagall eyed her carefully before responding. “Don’t worry, Ms Oswald. We will be taking care of the situation.” She placed her hand on Amelia’s shoulder for the briefest of seconds and quickly withdrew and walked away. McGonagall hardly displayed emotions like that. Amelia didn’t know whether to feel reassured or scared. 

Amelia went back up to her dormitory. She took a shower. She could picture Remus’ face in her head as she all but asked him to...hold her? Kiss her? What had she wanted? What did she think would happen? He is her professor for merlin's sake! She wanted to drown herself in the shower when she thought about facing him in class after that unashamed encounter. All that kept her going was a small voice that kept reminding her of his hesitation, his pauce, his struggle in dealing with her. Had he, even if for the briefest of seconds, wanted to give in to temptation? Wouldn't be the first time. He has held her before. Kissed her cheek. Hugged her. Told her he had been worried about her. But she knew this was different. What had happened last night, was something deeper and more complex than what they had shared before. 

Coming out of the shower, Amelia looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked at her neck and remembered Remus' gaze fixed on the marks Jon had left there. She remembered Jon giving her the marks. He was really good at kissing, but he wasn’t the one she had wanted to kiss. Even when she had been kissing Jon, she had been thinking about Remus. She had convinced herself that she was in fact kissing Remus. Jon does not deserve this. Argh, she needed to have a very awkward conversation with Jon. 

As she was headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast, she heard Jon call out to her. She stopped to talk to him. She just wanted to get it over it as soon as possible. 

“Well, last night ended abruptly," Jon said, winking at her. 

"Yeah, quite a spectacle."

"What do you say we get back tonight to finish off what we started?" Jon said taking a step towards her and placing a hand on her waist. 

"Ahem, ahem,"

Amelia sprung back as she heard someone clear his throat. Without even turning to look, she had an idea who it was. That's just how mean the universe was to her. And sure enough, she heard Jon say cheerfully, "Good Morning, Professor Lupin."

Amelia groaned. She felt too awkward to even look at him. After a brief pause, she heard Remus reply curtly, "Good Morning, Mr Scott. Ms Oswald." He walked away as suddenly as he had come. 

He knows it was him. Amelia thought. There was something in his voice that had alerted her to it. 

"Look, Jon, I really have to be someplace. I got to go," she sprinted before he could say anything. Nope, she couldn't do it. She decided she was just going to drop hints that she wasn't interested and hope that he will understand. 

Amelia had her breakfast and went out to see Paddy. She wasn't quite ready to be around people yet. Paddy was waiting for her at their spot. As she drew closer, she realized something was wrong. He lay on the ground with his head under his paws. She stretched a hand to pet him, but he flinched and jumped back from her touch.

“Hey, what’s wrong, baby? It’s me, Amelia,” she said softly, trying to soothe him. She reached out to him again and this time he let her pet him. It was then that she noticed that his back paw had a nasty gash. There was matted blood on his fur. 

“Paddy, what happened? Did you hurt yourself?” She leaned closer and peered at his paw. It looked like he had been cut by a sharp object. 

“Come, I will take you to Hagrid. He will patch you up.” She bent to pick up the dog, but he kneeled down and dug its paws into the ground. He winced as it put pressure on his injured paw but did not give way. 

“Paddy, it’s fine. He will not hurt you. That wound needs to be disinfected and bandaged. Please, come with me,” she said calmly. What had happened? Why was Paddy so scared and injured? Had he got into a fight with another animal in the forest? Or had Sirius Black hurt him? He was here yesterday, could it be that Paddy had seen him and Black had hurt him to run away?

“Paddy, did you see a man here last night? Did that man hurt you?” She had no idea how to interrogate a dog if he had run into a convicted murderer. Paddy withdrew further as she said this. 

“It’s okay. Never mind. Accio potion bag.”

She couldn't see any way around it. She will have to patch him up herself. Amelia summoned her potion bag from her dormitory. She looked up towards the Gryffindor Tower and soon a bag came floating to her through the tower window. Amelia caught the bag as it reached her and quickly took out her salve and some bandages. 

“It’s going to sting a little, but it will get better, okay?” She smiled at the dog and placed her hand on its injured paw. Paddy didn’t withdraw, she saw it as a good sign and quickly doused a gauze in cleaning potion and set to clean the wound. She kept talking to the dog as it sat unnaturally stiff. Why was he acting so strange today? 

“Don’t worry. I know what I am doing. I have got you, it's going to be okay. I had lots of practice at patching up my dad after full moons, so injuries like there are easy for me to heal. Once I clean it, I will put on a healing salve and bandage it so that you don’t rub on it. I will also feed you a strengthening potion. It will take away your exhaustion. It works on werewolves, so there is no reason why it shouldn’t work on a dog.”

Amelia felt the dog getting restless again, so she gently hummed to it and scratched behind its ears to calm it down. She had only one mouthful of the potion left from the last batch, she quickly tipped it in the dog’s mouth. She stopped and had a good look at the dog, it still seemed uneasy, but at least not in pain. She then took out the food she had got for him and watched him eat it. 

Once Paddy seemed more relaxed, she got went back to the castle. She had to finish some homework before the Quidditch practice at 4. She picked up her things from the dormitory, dropped her potion bag there, and went down to the library. She found a quiet corner and settled on the floor with her books strewn around her. She lost track of time as she sat there studying. Sometime later, Hermione came by and sat down next to her. They did this a lot, they would just sit together and do their work. Hermione occasionally asking Amelia to help her with something she couldn't quite understand. After some time Ron and Harry came looking for Hermione. They sat there too. 

Amelia spoke to Harry about Black. It was then that she remembered what Remus had said last night about Black. There was no way around it, she will have to confront him later about what he had meant by that. She warned Harry not to go about roaming the castle on his own. She said she will confiscate his Invisibility Cloak if he tried to do anything. Little did she know that not only was Harry sneaking around the castle, but he had sneaked so far out as Hogsmeade. Harry had known that Amelia would definitely object to this because of Black being out for him, so he hadn’t told her about this. And had made Hermione promise him that she wouldn’t either. 

When it was time for lunch, the group moved to the Great Hall together where they were joined by the rest of the team. Coming Saturday they had their first match against Hufflepuff. They had barely a week to practice. 

At dinner that night, as many owls flew into the Great Hall as usually did during breakfast. Parents were writing to their kids about Black breaking into the castle. There were some howlers that yelled at students in a firm voice to not dare run around the castle at odd hours. As she looked up at the teachers' table, she saw Dumbledore was getting his share of Howlers as well. Parents were angry, after all, Hogwarts was supposed to be the safest place of all. Amelia got a letter from her dad as well. She had no idea who he heard it from, but he knew everything about Black's visit to the castle. He told her to be extremely careful and keep an eye on Harry as well. 'Try not to land yourself in the hospital wing for the time being. Don't be an easy target for him, at least,' he said. Amelia snorted. He always asks for too much. 

As was her ritual and because she couldn't care less about rules or running into Black, Amelia once again found herself in the Owlery post curfew posting her reply to her dad. She reassured him that she was staying out of trouble. Well, if only he knew, she thought. Not only is his darling daughter, at this very moment breaking rules, she has also leveled up from crushing on and is now lusting after her professor. Well, at least trouble is committed to me, that is more than Remus is prepared for, Amelia thought. Wow, self burn. Once she had sent Penguin on his way, she went to the top of the Astronomy Tower. After Remus' secret passageways, she had found some of her own. So, she had managed to get to the top of the tower without running into anyone else. She stood by the window and looked up at the sky. it was a breezy cloudy night. The cold wind felt good on her skin. She felt a sense of calm take over her at the serenity of the scene in front of her. She inhaled slowly, cherishing the sweet air.

"You have got to stop roaming the castle at night. I am going to have to start docking off house points if that will make you stop."

Of course. 

"The wind is too good to miss tonight. Besides, you wouldn't do that to your own house, would you?" 

Remus sighed and stepped forward to stand next to her by the window. Amelia turned to look at him. His hands rested on the window sill, his head titled upwards towards the sky. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As Amelia watched Remus, the world ceased to exist momentarily. All that mattered was this gorgeous man standing next to her enjoying the breeze. He ran his hand through his hair and ruffled them. "Ahh, this is actually nice." He mumbled. 

Amelia heard herself gasp before she could control herself. He looked exquisite. At her gasp, Remus' eyes flew open and he quickly turned towards her. He looked around them hurriedly, taking out the wand from his pocket. 

"Oh, no, it's nothing...I just..." She trailed off. Cursing herself. He had let his guard down momentarily and she had stupidly only managed to alarm him. 

Remus caught her eye and slowly lowered his wand. His brows unfurrowed and a small smile crept up his lips. "Ohh." He blushed. The single syllable told Amelia that he had understood what had made her gasp. They stood there in silence, basking in each other's presence. Amelia had so many questions, but she couldn't bring herself to ask any. Finally, Remus broke the silence between them. 

"You shouldn't be out after curfew. Especially after last night. it's not safe. Besides, teachers are patrolling the corridors more frequently. If anyone else had found, you would have been in trouble."

"I took care to use your secret passageways. How did you find me?"

There was a long pause before Remus replied. "I followed your scent."

"Ohh," it was Amelia's turn to blush. 

She gained some strength from him and decided to put up her questions. He seemed to be in a good mood after all. 

"That thing you said about Black. About how he killed everyone you loved and you wouldn't let him have Harry. What happened? What did Black do to you?"

Remus stiffened next to her. She could feel his body tensing. He closed his eyes. His knuckles tightened on the window sill. 

Amelia regretted bringing this up. She didn't want to hurt him. She placed her hand gently on his. She pressed his fingers once and then let her hand rest on his. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I am sorry for bringing it up."

Remus opened his eyes and turned to look at her. He shifted his body to face her and leaned against the wall behind him. He fixed his gaze on her. Amelia looked back firmly. She knew he was making up his mind if he should tell her whatever it is. She smiled to let him know that he could trust her. After a heavy silence, Remus sighed. 

"Black killed Harry's parents. I mean, not directly. But he was their secret keeper and he betrayed them to Voldemort."

Amelia had known this already. Her dad had told her this when Black first made the papers when he broke out of Azkaban. What she couldn't understand was, why did this affect Lupin so much?

"They were my friends. The only family I had left since my parents passed away. Lily. James. Peter. And Black took them all away from me." His eyes had a faraway look. There was something dark and haunted about his eyes that saddened Amelia deeply. 

Amelia couldn't believe what he was saying. It was one thing to lose someone you love in a war, it was another to have their murderer out and about after all these years when he should be rotting in prison. She couldn't imagine how much the news of Black's breaking out of Azkaban would have devastated Remus. She had no idea Remus was so close to Harry's parents. 

"If you were friends with the Potters, you must have known Harry as a baby?" Amelia asked. 

Remus' eyes brightened at this, a smile coming back on his lips. "He was the cutest kid I had ever seen. When he could speak in monosyllables, he started calling me Moo-ey. He couldn't say Moony, that's what my friends used to call me."

Amelia smiled. She pictured a younger Remus, with baby Harry in his arms, pulling his hair and cooing at him. The image filled her with warmth. She hated the universe for ruining something so pure and innocent. 

"Does Harry know?" Amelia asked. She didn't think he knew. He would have said something if he did. 

"No. What do I tell him? How do I look him in the eye and tell him that his father was betrayed by his own best friend? How do I tell him that I was too stupid, too blind to see Black for what he really was?" There was pain oozing out of his voice. 

"You couldn't have known. Black did what he did. It's not your fault."

"But it is. I should have known better. I should have been more cautious. I don't know when it went all wrong. I don't know when we lost Sirius to the dark side. Maybe I could have stopped him, helped him somehow. He was always there for me when I needed him, Amelia. I couldn't do the same for him."

"You have to let it go, Remus. You can't keep carrying the weight of the other people's mistakes. He went over to the dark side because he wanted to, there's nothing that you could have done. Lily, James and Peter wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself. They would have wanted you to move on." Amelia could not believe how cruel life has been to Remus. Turned into a werewolf at the age of four, lost all his friends because another friend betrayed them all. 

Remus didn't say anything. He kept his eyes firmly on the sky. Overcome with the urge to share his pain, Amelia wrapped her arm around his and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt Remus' body relax under her touch. He raised his hand and placed it on hers on his arm. He leaned his head against hers. 

"You should talk to Harry. He would be thrilled to know that you are his parents' friend. Talk to him about his parents. He would like that. Also, it would be good for you too, to be able to talk about them to their son. It would make Moo-ey feel better." 

Remus chuckled. He placed his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. They stood there in silence, for a long time, unwilling to let time pass. 

Amelia breathed him in. She could faintly feel his heart pumping against her head. And just like that, as she stood in his arms, she understood why Remus must always hesitate. As long as they were at Hogwarts, theirs would always be an unequal relationship. Because if they were anything more than that, it would jeopardize his job. And all that they can have are these stolen moments - when just for a little while in the shadows of the night, he is only Remus and her, only Amelia. Remus has had a lifetime of pain and sadness, and Amelia did not want to add to it by being a complication in his life. 

Remus pulled away from her and took a step back. He sighed heavily and looked at her. 

"This is why I can never stop resisting you, Amelia. I lose everyone I love. I corrupt everything I touch. And you, what you do to me, how you make me feel...it is too precious, too pure for me to hold, to even allow it to be. I wouldn't even dare for fear that I will somehow destroy this too." 

There were so many things Amelia wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that he could never destroy her, that it was in fact, he who was too good for her. He was too kind, too compassionate, too loving. She wanted to tell him that even if he did break her, it would hurt less than to never have had him in her life at all. She wanted him to know how her heart longed for him, that his absence was a physical lack in her being and that whenever she was with him, she felt so much more fiercely than she did otherwise, that it was a terrifying thought to even think about being with him, and yet it would be more terrifying to not be with him. 

But all she said was, "Life has been unkind to you and you have taken all that pain and turned it around into kindness. I just hope you can find it in you to extend that kindness to yourself, Remus. If just for once you feel for yourself, the same compassion you feel for others, you will realize that you deserve the world, Remus. You just have to kind to yourself." 

Remus looked at her, his heart swelling with an intense longing. He had understood what she was saying and what she had left unsaid. He cupped her face and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. He held on to her for a moment longer, to memorize how her touch feels.

As Remus made his way to his quarters after escorting her to the Gryffindor Tower, his heart felt lighter than it had in years. He was grateful to her for believing in him, in his goodness. She had once again, reminded him of his friends and how fiercely they had loved him. He had pushed them away for a long time, and had only ended up tragically cutting down on his time with them. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.


	14. Dementors At The Quidditch Match

Most of next week was taken up by Quidditch practice. It was the first match of the season and Amelia wanted it to be a good one. They practiced whenever all of them were free. Sometimes well into the night. Professor McGonagall allowed them to practice after curfew but only in the presence of a teacher. And it was mostly Remus who volunteered to watch over them. From the glances and smiles that Amelia and Remus would often share during those sessions, she knew that he was doing this as much for Harry as to stay near her. The Full Moon was on the day after the match. Amelia tried to convince Remus to rest instead of sitting in the stands during their practice, but he was adamant about being the one to supervise them while they were on the grounds at night. "Black is after Harry, I will not leave him unprotected here. It Black attacks, I might be able to hold him off until we get more help. I am staying," he would say. 

On Saturday, 10 minutes to the match, the Gryffindor team was huddled in the changing room, going through their last-minute strategies. The familiar excitement rose in Amelia's stomach that preceded Quidditch matches. They had practiced hard, they had a good chance of winning. They stepped out on to the pitch to the sound of a roaring crowd. The students cheering from the stands were as loud as ever. Soon, they kicked off their brooms and were up in the air. 

The game was going well. They had scored 30-0. The Twins were brilliant as usual. But there was something off. Amelia felt a sense of fear taking over her, that had nothing to do with the usual jitters of the game. From the corner of her eye, she saw Harry fly upwards at almost ninety degrees. She turned her full attention towards him as he zoomed away from the other players. It was then that Amelia felt the beginnings of a coldness creep into her. Looking at the figure of Harry, now hardly visible in the clouds, she felt drained and scared. She realized what the feeling was just when she saw a dark shadow making its way to Harry half-hidden by the clouds. 

Without thinking, Amelia turned her broom towards Harry and raced to the top. As she came closer to the Dementors, she once again heard her mother screaming. But this time her screams were louder than ever. This time she heard her sobbing in between the screams, "No, no, not Amy." Amelia forced the memories out of her head and focused on Remus' heartbeats. She remembered how safe she felt in his arms and held on to that image as she tried to conjure the Patronus. She could see Harry now convulsing on his broom, surrounded by Dementors. She had to act now. Amelia pulled out her wand from her robes and thought about her father and about Remus. She thought about going home to her father. She thought about Remus in her arms that night in his office. And she yelled as loudly as she could, ‘Expecto Patronum’. A silvery mist came out of her wand and took the shape of a wolf. As her wolf charged at the Dementors, Harry fell off his broom. Amelia maneuvered in the air and managed to pull Harry on to her broom. She held him firmly in front of her and turned her broom back. She was vaguely aware of her wolf following them when she had a distinct image in her head of being pressed against her mother, as she turned at the spot screaming as if her body was being torn in two. The ground seemed to be spiraling towards them as her grip on Harry and the broom slackened. 

She woke up in the infirmary. She looked around and saw Harry propped up on pillows on the bed next to her. A little further away from their beds, Professor Dumbledore, Remus and Madam Pomfrey were deep in discussion. 

“What happened?” Amelia said. A hoarse voice escaped her throat. 

Madam Pomfrey saw she had woken up and quickly came to her. She started fussing around her with her wand and handed her a goblet. Amelia dutifully took the cup and drank it. 

“That was quite a Patronus you conjured, Ms Oswald. Rather spectacular.” Professor Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "However, I deeply regret that you found yourself in a situation where you had to resort to conjuring one within the school grounds. Rest assured that I have ensured that this will never happen again." Amelia could hear the anger in his voice. 

"Eat this, dear," Madam Pomfrey said handing her a chocolate bar. Amelia took it quietly and turned to look at Harry.

“Are you okay?” she asked Harry. 

He nodded. "They told me how you saved me. Thank you, Amy."

Amelia shrugged. She bowed her face. The Dementors. Memories from the night when her mother died came back to her. They were still an incomplete puzzle but she had a faint idea of what must have happened that night. For some reason, Amelia and her mother were in the forest when her father had transformed into a werewolf for the first time in his life. Her mother had been carrying her and running away from the werewolf as her father chased them. Her mother had apparated at the spot clutching Amelia to her chest, but not before the werewolf had torn into the side of her body. Her father had given her a similar account. except that he had never said that Amelia herself had been there too that night. Why had he lied to her?

“Amelia?” There was a hand gently shaking her shoulder. She blinked her eyes rapidly and felt tears run down her cheek. Remus was standing next to her bed carefully watching her. He was the one who had called out to her. Worry was etched on to the lines of his face. Remus’ hands moved, for a second Amelia thought that Remus would hold her and hug her, she wanted him to, but then he settled with handing her some tissues. She took the tissues and wiped her tears and nose on it. She looked around, everybody was staring at her. Her eyes fell on Dumbledore. He was watching her closely with a pained expression. Does he know what she hears when Dementors came near her? 

“Can I go up to my dormitory now?” she asked, knowing full well what the answer was going to be. 

“I am afraid not. I want to keep you here for another hour. Both you and Harry. Your friends can come up here and keep you company if you would like that. In fact, I would encourage that.” Madam Pomfrey said. 

“No, please, I don’t want any visitors,” Amelia said in a flat voice. She wanted to be alone.

“Amelia, the Dementors feed on your worst memories. The only way to fight them, as you very well know, is by falling back on your good memories. Love and friendship are your greatest strengths against the despair that the Dementors being. Don’t push people who love you away, especially not in moments like these when you need them the most.” Dumbledore said slowly. He knows, Amelia thought. 

“You are also not supposed to lie to people you love and care about, Professor,” Amelia said, anger and helplessness filing her to the core. She stared at her hands. She didn’t want to look at Dumbledore. If her father had lied to her about what had happened the night her mother had died, Dumbledore had to be in on it. It was him after all who had helped her father in the first months of being a werewolf.

“Amelia, do you feel up to for taking a walk with me?” Dumbledore asked her kindly. She hated how composed he seemed even right now.

“No. I want to rest. Please, leave me alone.” Amelia said coldly. She pulled up the covers, lay down on the bed, and turned on her side with her back to the rest of them. After a long pause, she heard the curtains being pulled around her bed. She heard footsteps retracting. The room was quiet except for her and Harry’s breathing. 

Harry spoke after some time. “Amy, I think I heard my mother dying when the dementors came near me.” Amelia’s breath hitched. She had been too focused on what she had felt, she had not thought about how it must have been for Harry. She sat up and pulled back the curtains. Harry was sitting on the bed, looking towards her. 

“Me too.” She whispered. Harry didn’t know that her father was a werewolf. And she certainly didn’t want to tell him that her father had killed her mother when he had transformed on his first full moon while her mother tried to keep her safe. The story she told everyone was that her mother had been killed by Death Eaters during the last wizarding war. 

Harry looked at her sadly, tears running down his cheeks. Amelia could no longer keep her tears in either. She started crying too. They sat there, crying, lost in the thoughts of their dead loved ones, silently sharing their loneliness with each other. After some time, the tears dried down. Amelia got up and stood next to the window looking out into the night. Harry fell asleep.

After some time, Amelia heard the infirmary door open, and soft footsteps approached her. She turned to see Remus walking towards them. She turned away from him and moved closer to the window. 

“Amelia, how are you?” Remus whispered, not wanting to wake Harry up. 

Amelia didn’t answer. He took a step closer to her. She could hear his breathing in the otherwise silent room. He was standing just behind her. “I am here for you if you need me.” He whispered in her ear. 

Amelia shivered involuntarily. Remus was the last person she wanted to talk to about this. Not now anyway, not until she herself had the full story. She shook her head, hoping he would leave her alone. Tears started streaming down her face again. She felt Remus’s arms softly embracing her from behind. He pulled her against his chest, his arms securely wrapped around her. He brought his face down to her ear and whispered, “Shh, I have got you, it's gonna be okay.”

Amelia convulsed in his arms. She lost all semblance of control she had been fighting for since she got up in the infirmary. She had been lied to. Why would her father lie to her about what had happened that night? Unless it was her fault and he didn’t want her to blame herself for it. Is she her mother’s murderer just as much as her father was? She felt disgusted with herself at the thought. All of a sudden, all ideas of self-loathing that her father and Remus had displayed, now made sense to her. She was as much a monster as they thought themselves to be. She couldn’t breathe. She was suffocating. She peeled Remus’ hands off of her and turned to face him. His eyes were wild, his face contorted with pain. She stepped back, breathing heavily until she hit the wall. Remus made to move towards her, his hands stretched out, but she shook her head. She slid down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. She was a monster. She had killed her mother. She did not deserve to be comforted, to be consoled. She needed to confront the pain. 

Remus’ heart broke to see Amelia like this. He filled a glass of water from her bedside table and placed it next to her on the floor, careful not to touch her and give her some space. He took a step back and kneeled on the ground, leaving a good distance between them. 

Amelia picked up the glass and took small sips. Her breathing slowed down and her tears stopped. She sat there like this for some time with her head on her knees. Remus stood up when he saw Harry stirring. 

“Hey, Harry. How are you feeling?” he said, moving towards the door to draw Harry’s eyes away from where Amelia sat. 

“Fine,” Harry said slowly. 

Amelia stood up when she heard Harry’s voice. 

“Here, have some chocolate,” Remus said pulling chocolate out of his pocket. Harry took it quietly. 

The door opened again and Ron and Hermione walked in, followed by the rest of the Quidditch team. Amelia got back on her bed and put up a small smile on her lips as they came in. Remus excused himself when the group came. They filled them on about what had happened during the match. In the middle of the match, Amelia and Harry had come falling out of the sky unconscious. Dumbledore had quickly levitated them to control their fall and other teachers had set to driving away the Dementors. 

Amelia sat and silently listened as they went on with the story. She wanted nothing more than to be alone. Soon Madam Pomfrey came in and told them that they were free to go. They all got up and left the infirmary and walked towards the Gryffindor Tower. Derek tried to draw her into conversations, but she merely nodded and smiled and kept walking like a ghost. Derek eventually let her be. When they reached the common room, the group made its way towards the fireplace. But as one, Harry and Amelia separated themselves from the group and walked up to their dormitories. 

Amelia desperately needed to talk to her father about what had happened that night. She knew she could get the truth right now if she agreed to speak to Dumbledore, but this was between her pa and herself. She hoped that Dumbledore wouldn't tell Remus anything. She did not want him to know how her mother had died, he was sure to see it as another way in which he too could hurt her. As Amelia lay in bed, crying silently, she decided to ask Dumbledore to let her meet her father after the Full Moon. This was too important to wait for the holidays.


	15. Detention With A Boggart

The next day when Amelia woke up, she faltered in her resolve to ask Dumbledore to let her meet her father. There has to be a reason why her father lied to her. She has always trusted her father blindly and would always continue to do so. This one lie wasn't enough to break that trust. She wasn't even sure if she was capable of hearing the truth. What if the truth was more terrible than she imagined? Will she be able to face it? What if it did turn out to be her mistake after all? She decided she needed some time before she could be ready to talk to her father about it. 

The next couple of days were extremely difficult for Amelia. She was isolating herself from everyone. She was always close to having a breakdown. Derek had quit trying to get her to talk. He silently kept her company now whenever she would let him be near her. Remus had tried to talk to her too, but she had walked away without a word. At other times, she would sit near the tree with only Paddy for company and try to study. The dog had sensed a change in her behavior as well and would try to cheer her up by running around in circles following his tail. Amelia was grateful for how intuitive the dog was. 

Amelia could no longer pay attention in classes. This is why while brewing a potion in Snape’s class, she added the wrong ingredient and ended up with detention. Later that night, she went to Snape’s office to serve her detention. He led her to the potions storeroom and told her to clean the cupboards without magic and went out to sit in his office. Amelia set about to do that without a word. She was glad the detention did not involve her being in the same room with Snape. She slowly got to her work, trying to clean cupboards halfheartedly.

Twenty minutes into the detention, she had only cleaned one cupboard when she heard some movement in Snape’s office. Thinking that Snape was coming to check up on her work, she lunged open a drawer with such force that she fell back on her feet. As she scrambled for balance, she hit some of the containers sitting on the counter behind her and they toppled on to the floor with crashing sounds. 

Amelia turned to look at the mess she had created when she caught some movement behind her. She turned her head to where she had pulled down the drawer and a heart-wrenching scream left her lips. She kicked herself back towards the door, away from the broken, bloodied body of a wolf that lay on the floor in front of her, evidently dead. She was sobbing and screaming, her hands covering her face, her body shaking, when she heard footsteps running up to her. Somebody pulled her into his arms and was gently rubbing her back and rocking her, trying to calm her down. 

She heard Snape’s voice from behind her, “It was just a boggart, Ms Oswald. Surely a final year student like yourself should be able to deal with one without the assistance of her teachers.”

“Cut it up, Snivellus,” said the man holding her. It was Remus. He gently lifted her up and led her out of Snape’s office. She hung on to him for support, sobbing into his arms as he led her away. She had no idea where he was taking her or what was going on. All she knew was that she had just seen the dead body of her father or possibly Remus. She could not breathe. Her knees gave way from under her. She could stand no longer. Her grip on Remus was slacking. Remus felt her body go limp and quickly bent down and scooped her in his arms. He carried her to his office, her head snuggled into his chest, tears falling on to his robes as she struggled to breathe. He quickened his steps and almost ran into his office. He locked the door behind him and carried her to the armchair in front of the fireplace. He sat down on the armchair and pulled her onto his lap. With a flick of his wand, the fire started roaring. 

Remus held Amelia close to him and rocked her back and forth until her breathing slowed. He kept murmuring, “It’s okay. It was just a boggart. It’s not real. Your father’s safe. He is all right. I have got you now,” He kept saying this over and over again, hoping he was getting through to her. 

Amelia started to calm down as she felt warm and safe in Remus’ arms. A boggart? How could she have been so stupid so as not to see it? How could she have fallen for it? But Remus was saying it was okay. She will be fine. She wasn’t alone. She held on to him, afraid he will disappear or might even push her away. But she only felt herself being held close to him fiercely. Her sobs stopped. She could breathe normally now. She lay limply in his arms, letting his warmth engulf her. 

They sat like that for a long time. Remus was still murmuring into her ears, like a mantra. “It’s okay. Your father is safe. It was just a boggart.”

Didn’t he understand? Was he really so naive? 

Amelia pulled back a little to look at his face. There were tears in Remus’ eyes too. He cupped her face in his hands tenderly. A few strands of wet hair had stuck to her face. Remus gently tucked them behind her ear. 

“I was more terrified because I didn’t know whether it was pa or you,” Amelia whispered. 

Remus held his breath. A single tear rolled down his cheek. His lips twitched.

“Well, I am okay, too. See.” He took her hand in his and placed it on his beating heart. 

Amelia closed her eyes as she felt his heart beat against her palm. She nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck and stayed silent, careful not to miss a single beat of his heart. Remus quietly held her close to him. He tugged at her and brought her face close to his, his eyes drifting between her eyes and her lips. Amelia leaned in closer to him. She could feel his breath on her lips. Remus searched her eyes for any sign of weakness or hesitance. Instead, she closed the remaining distance between them and caught his lips with hers. They both sat there, frozen in time. Too afraid to take what they wanted, and too terrified to break away. They were not sure who it was who had brought the kiss alive, but their lips were now moving against each other. Amelia felt all the fear, pain and panic of the last half an hour leave her body, as she felt herself being filled with all the love Remus was pouring in that one kiss. For Remus, the kiss had felt like coming up for air after years of drowning. He felt each and every cell of his body, every fiber of his being, come alive as Amelia’s lips poured life back into his body. 

They rested their foreheads against each other’s. Breathing in each other heavily, lips barely touching. Remus placed a hand on Amelia’s cheek. Amelia was holding on to his robes. She felt his forehead crease under hers. 

“This isn’t right. We shouldn’t. This is wrong.” Remus murmured. Amelia knew this was going to come. She had known all along that this is what will hold him back. The words came naturally to her. 

“Then why does it feel right?” she whispered back. There was a second of hesitation and then Amelia felt Remus’ body making a decision. He took a deep breath, leaned closer, and took her lips in his again. Amelia parted her lips to deepen the kiss. She wanted to be one with him, to be as close to him as was physically possible. Remus obliged. His tongue entered her mouth and caressed hers. His hands stayed firmly on her cheeks. Amelia’s hands were wound up in his hair as she pulled him closer to her. The way Remus was holding on to her, she knew that Remus was no longer holding back. He was giving her everything he had. Amelia returned the kiss with equal passion. Saying without words, all that she felt for him. 

After what felt like forever, they broke the kiss. They looked into each other’s eyes. A smile playing on their lips. Remus placed a kiss on her forehead and hugged her again. He just didn’t want to let her go. But he had to. And Amelia knew that. She tried to make it easier for him. 

“Did you hear me scream from across the castle?” Amelia joked. 

“It wasn’t that loud. I was already in Snape’s office. I came to talk to him about the Wolfsbane potion.”

“You mean Snivellus' office?”

Remus laughed. "I shouldn't have let that slip. You are, under no circumstances, allowed to use that word for him."

"Were you at Hogwarts together? He seems about your age."

"Yes, we were in the same year. We didn't exactly get along well. It was James who gave him that nickname."

"Can I tell Harry, please? It would make him ecstatic!"

"Sure, James would love that."

"Have you talked to Harry yet, Remus?"

"I haven't. I just can't bring myself to do it."

Amelia squeezed his hands. "It will be okay. Harry would love to have his Uncle Moo-ey back. Don't overthink it."

Remus nodded. His eyes softening. 

“Amelia, are you sure about this? About us? You know what I am. It’s dangerous. I am not safe for you. Besides, I am your Professor. We both could be expelled. Please, try to understand,” Remus said, looking her straight in the eyes.

“The only time it is not safe for me to be with you is during a Full Moon night. Other than that, I feel the safest when I am with you. And when you are a human, you are about as dangerous as I am. Maybe even less, seeing as how I have been to the infirmary more than you have in the last month. And yes, I am your student. But I am hardly going to run down the hallways screaming that Professor Lupin kissed me,” Amelia answered. 

“No, you will just go around the castle parading the hickeys," Remus said. Amelia sensed bitterness in his voice. 

She laughed, “Sorry, you just caught me at the worst possible moment. I figured if I got together with someone else, I could distract myself from you. And I can tell you the plan was a spectacular failure. You shouldn't try that yourself."

Remus laughed. There it was his soft laugh. Amelia melted in his arms. “Wouldn’t dream about that. I am quite content with having you in my arms and being allowed to do this.”  
He bent down and kissed her again. Amelia could feel his lips smiling through the kiss. 

“I have wanted to do that for a long time,” Remus whispered. 

“Me too,” Amelia said. 

They sat there for some more time. Amelia did not want to leave. It was only when Remus mentioned the dementor attack at the game when Amelia climbed off his lap. She turned away from him, “I don’t want to talk about that, please.”

“Okay. Whenever you are ready, just know that I am here for you. You can trust me,” Remus said. 

Amelia nodded. “I should go.”

“Okay.” Remus looked saddened by her sudden coldness but didn’t push. “Good Night.”

Amelia smiled, “Good Night, Remus.” She gave him a last kiss on the corner of his mouth before she left his office.


End file.
